Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!
Okay I totally promise I am going to continue on the travel thread. But one, I have done a crap job of getting to my friend mamas to ask if I can use their stories, and two, I have such a pressing topic I just have to share it: The Nine Month Freakout.
So of course it could be the eight month freakout or the ten month freakout. And while I think this might happen for mamas who are with their kiddos all day, I am referring in particular to the problem of Keeping Up With Demand Via Pumping. Somewhere around nine months, I seemed to have gotten it in my head that since Kiddo was eating more and more solid food, he would start needing less boobjuice. Incorrect. In fact, his caloric need seemed to be going up just exactly along the lines of his solid food intake, so the boobjuice demand was totally unchanged. Because I had gotten it in my head that I was going to be able to pump less, or at least have less trouble keeping up with him, this turned into a freakout. Sometimes Hubby would run out of boobjuice while I was at work, or have to give "scant" bottles (more on this below) in order to stretch it out. Finally it ended up with some very unscheduled days off and a panicked call to the lactation consultant.
The LC made a couple of excellent points. One, Kiddo was on solids now. If he had one more meal of solids during the days that I was off winning the bread, so what? He was getting plenty of nutrition, plenty of boobjuice, and an extra half an avocado in the afternoons was NOT a crisis. Two, I was producing plenty of milk. (Recall from earlier posts my adventures in fenugreek? Not only did the stuff totally not work on me and make me poop my pj's (ew), it was completely unnecessary. As were the disastrous adventures in barley water. Closest I had come to barfing since the first trimester.) Here "plenty" means he had several bottles during the day, he never complained about supply when he was nursing unless I had *just* pumped, and even in that latter case I still managed to get some good stuff into him. In terms of numbers, I think I was getting 4 or 5 ounces when I pumped first thing in the morning if I was lucky and he had slept through the night, and less otherwise. Then during the work day it varied but I think eight was average. You can do the math here and see that I was not producing enough on a work day to supply a whole work day. Hence, pumping on weekend mornings. Yes, it was a pain in the ass, and yes, it was worth it. I also worked from home on Wednesdays at this point which really helped.
I came up with a couple other ideas myself. At this point we all have it in our heads that we give boobjuice first and solids are like dessert. Which is totally correct when we are 4-6 months along and experimenting with rice cereal. But once Kiddo can eat all sorts of stuff, and digest it well, I think there is no reason you can't have the person wrangling your kiddo while you are at work give solids *first* for most meals. This means Kiddo should be more full and need less boobjuice, at least for a couple of sittings. This will help stretch the supply during the day. Caveat: if your pediatrician or LC says differently of course that trumps my suggestions. But it never hurts to ask for a second opinion if what they are saying isn't working for you.
Lastly I want to point out something that actually smacked us upside the head earlier than nine months but came up in discussion last week. My dear colleague Mama CC has just encountered the Nine Month Freakout, and we had a heartfelt conversation in the hallway a week or so ago. It felt so good to be helpful to another mama! She is struggling to keep up with the amount of breastmilk that the daycare workers are giving her kiddo, and it had her in a panic. It turned out that the well-meaning Kiddo Caregivers were giving her little girl seven or eight ounces of breastmilk at a time. This is simply not necessary or productive. (The anti-pumping sorts will now go into the requisite rant about how bottle feeding is unnatural, it messes with Kiddo's demand signals, blah, blah. Tell them to start paying our rent and we'll think about it.)
I suggested instructing the day care folks to give solid foods first, give no more than five ounces of boobjuice in a bottle, and if she's still hungry try more solids after the bottle. This can be tricky (who wants avocado after yummy yummy boobjuice?) and who knows, the magic number might be six ounces, but the wildly large bottles Mama CC's kiddo was getting were a function of the glass bottles we anti-plastic mamas like to use (which come in four ounce and eight ounce, and if any of those manufacturers are listening PLEASE start making a five or six ounce one!!! ack!!!), and a new kid at the daycare who is being formula fed and gets seven our eight ounces at a time. This had both Mama CC and me wondering how that little one is not (a) puking more, or (b) obese yet, but as cited in earlier posts, it's none of our business. But really, seven ounces of anything sounds like a lot for a four month old kid? And lastly I pointed out that she can nurse her kiddo at daycare at pickup time (if it's closing time she can nurse in the car) and that might save a whole bottle depending on how they were scheduling things. So what if you're home twenty minutes later? Hubby can start dinner.
So as disclaimed before, I am not a lactation consultant, pediatrician, or any other sort of expert, I'm just a mama like you sharing some ideas that worked for me. So don't sue me. Besides I have almost no money so suing me is a waste of your time. I spent it all on cord blood banking and moving to Oregon. And it was worth every penny.
Did you encounter a demand-based freakout? Did you find any tricks you want to share? Drop me a comment and let me know!
Be well and happy boobjuicing!
Love,
Suzi
PS - Acupuncture doctor totally floored that I'm still nursing. He was positive about it but just couldn't seem to get his head around it. Tee hee!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Boob Juice on the Go!
Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!
Ah, yes, the long-awaited (by me anyway) travel post! So this will have to be more than one post, because I asked some mamas for their travel stories, and got so much good info that it's going to be too long, even by my gregarious standards, to put all into one post. So I shall begin with my own traveling and boobjuicing experience, while I am seeking permission to use their amazing stories.
I want to begin with a quick disclaimer. Please do not think that you have to be as elaborate and convoluted as I have chosen to be in order to keep breastfeeding while traveling for work. Most of the other mamas I have talked to have done much more sensible things, like bringing the breastpump along and transporting the milk home or FedExing it if need be. I always had sort of barely enough milk in the fridge for Kiddo for the day, and was worried about supply, and so completely against formula for my kiddo, that these were the right choices for me. While the amount of dollars we have dedicated to traveling this way is manageable for us, it did mean making sacrifices in other ways (we had to turn down a wedding invitation recently because the extra trip just wasn't going to work) and frankly a financial planner would probably do some serious facepalm looking at my mint.com account. We made the choices that felt right to us. Or shall I say, we made the choices I felt like I could tolerate and my sweet, patient husband didn't argue. But there are more practical and less expensive ways to do it.
That said, I think a lot of mamas feel self conscious about making choices like mine, which may look wasteful and impractical, but which were important for us. Sometimes we just aren't ready to be away from our kiddos for a whole night, or longer. Well, I say that's okay. I say you can be a fancy (insert chosen profession involving travel here) in your fancy suit/uniform/lab coat, AND be a breastfeeding mama who isn't willing to be away from her little one yet. I'm no big Sarah Palin fan but I will say that I liked her willingness to schlep her kids with her on trips. I say you can do it as long as your family and pocketbook will put up with it. AND I say you can actually make it fairly easy on your pocket book. I mean, who doesn't have a facebook friend or six in most major cities these days? I bet some of them would help you with housing/childcare/transportation. You would do it for them, right?
So, for example, I took Kiddo with me on a three day business trip after he was already down to nursing like twice a day. I was worried about my supply, but even more I was worried that if he went that long without nursing he would wean. (Unfortunately I have no useful data on this - ladies?) But in each case of elaborate, hauling the kid and often husband along business trips, we have made it work. In the three days with just me and Kiddo case, Hubby used the time "off" to shoot the rest of a music video. The awesomest friends in Minnesota took turns looking after Kiddo for me during my meetings, and a very nice flight attendant watched him on the flight home for three minutes so I could go pee without rousing him from his slumber. Perhaps the most pleasant passenger request of her evening, "Here, watch this kid sleep while your colleagues are cleaning the galley," but certainly very appreciated by me anyway.
The other trips so far were multi-purpose, including reunion, family visits, etc. that would have involved the whole family anyway. So one could argue that I didn't add cost to the business trip by hauling the family along. Although I have learned a difficult lesson about business travel with family - it is HARD. In the line of work I'm in, and probably a lot of other lines of work too, I think I really need the time after the "end of the day" until bed time to write up the meetings I took. I'm still trying to catch up from that trip, which is super frustrating. I have one more combo wedding and business trip after that, and then I'm sort of hoping to avoid traveling until Kiddo has turned two (February) and I'm a little more willing to risk him weaning by taking a night or two away from him.
I sort of thought last night might be the end of it actually - he wasn't very interested at bed time, so we sat and looked at the rain for a bit (ahhh, I love my soggy little boobjuice friendly town) and then he was more interested. Surprisingly, I actually felt a bit more happy than upset at the thought that he might be saying, "Nah, thanks Mom, I'm done." Besides which we are thinking about getting that second bun a-baking soon (not quiiiiite yet though) and I think I will feel a little better if Kiddo weans himself than if I have to cut him off because my breasts hurt too much. Not that there is anything wrong with that decision of course. Just seems like setting the stage for sibling rivalry... paranoid much? Who, me?
One other note on my own travel experiences. We all seem to be worried about being That Mom on the plane, with the kid who cries the whole way and all the other eyeballs present trying to bore holes in our heads. Well, I have news for you. You will very likely have to take a turn being That Mom. Poor Kiddo had a really rough flight once (he has already been on, like, six, I'm sort of shocked to say) and I was doing all I could for him but it wasn't cutting it. I think the eyeballs boring the hottest holes in my head were my own, though, remembering being That Passenger who was soooo put out (chuckle) by the noisy baby and sat judging the parents from afar. The only looks or comments I received were sympathetic, or mercifully brief. And really, think about it - what kind of karma is that person earning for him or herself, sitting quietly with no demands being placed on them by a tiny, very uncomfortable person, passing judgement on some poor tired mama doing the best she can? They suck. You rock. You can tell them I said so.
Happy Boobjuicing all!
Much love,
Suzi
Ah, yes, the long-awaited (by me anyway) travel post! So this will have to be more than one post, because I asked some mamas for their travel stories, and got so much good info that it's going to be too long, even by my gregarious standards, to put all into one post. So I shall begin with my own traveling and boobjuicing experience, while I am seeking permission to use their amazing stories.
I want to begin with a quick disclaimer. Please do not think that you have to be as elaborate and convoluted as I have chosen to be in order to keep breastfeeding while traveling for work. Most of the other mamas I have talked to have done much more sensible things, like bringing the breastpump along and transporting the milk home or FedExing it if need be. I always had sort of barely enough milk in the fridge for Kiddo for the day, and was worried about supply, and so completely against formula for my kiddo, that these were the right choices for me. While the amount of dollars we have dedicated to traveling this way is manageable for us, it did mean making sacrifices in other ways (we had to turn down a wedding invitation recently because the extra trip just wasn't going to work) and frankly a financial planner would probably do some serious facepalm looking at my mint.com account. We made the choices that felt right to us. Or shall I say, we made the choices I felt like I could tolerate and my sweet, patient husband didn't argue. But there are more practical and less expensive ways to do it.
That said, I think a lot of mamas feel self conscious about making choices like mine, which may look wasteful and impractical, but which were important for us. Sometimes we just aren't ready to be away from our kiddos for a whole night, or longer. Well, I say that's okay. I say you can be a fancy (insert chosen profession involving travel here) in your fancy suit/uniform/lab coat, AND be a breastfeeding mama who isn't willing to be away from her little one yet. I'm no big Sarah Palin fan but I will say that I liked her willingness to schlep her kids with her on trips. I say you can do it as long as your family and pocketbook will put up with it. AND I say you can actually make it fairly easy on your pocket book. I mean, who doesn't have a facebook friend or six in most major cities these days? I bet some of them would help you with housing/childcare/transportation. You would do it for them, right?
So, for example, I took Kiddo with me on a three day business trip after he was already down to nursing like twice a day. I was worried about my supply, but even more I was worried that if he went that long without nursing he would wean. (Unfortunately I have no useful data on this - ladies?) But in each case of elaborate, hauling the kid and often husband along business trips, we have made it work. In the three days with just me and Kiddo case, Hubby used the time "off" to shoot the rest of a music video. The awesomest friends in Minnesota took turns looking after Kiddo for me during my meetings, and a very nice flight attendant watched him on the flight home for three minutes so I could go pee without rousing him from his slumber. Perhaps the most pleasant passenger request of her evening, "Here, watch this kid sleep while your colleagues are cleaning the galley," but certainly very appreciated by me anyway.
The other trips so far were multi-purpose, including reunion, family visits, etc. that would have involved the whole family anyway. So one could argue that I didn't add cost to the business trip by hauling the family along. Although I have learned a difficult lesson about business travel with family - it is HARD. In the line of work I'm in, and probably a lot of other lines of work too, I think I really need the time after the "end of the day" until bed time to write up the meetings I took. I'm still trying to catch up from that trip, which is super frustrating. I have one more combo wedding and business trip after that, and then I'm sort of hoping to avoid traveling until Kiddo has turned two (February) and I'm a little more willing to risk him weaning by taking a night or two away from him.
I sort of thought last night might be the end of it actually - he wasn't very interested at bed time, so we sat and looked at the rain for a bit (ahhh, I love my soggy little boobjuice friendly town) and then he was more interested. Surprisingly, I actually felt a bit more happy than upset at the thought that he might be saying, "Nah, thanks Mom, I'm done." Besides which we are thinking about getting that second bun a-baking soon (not quiiiiite yet though) and I think I will feel a little better if Kiddo weans himself than if I have to cut him off because my breasts hurt too much. Not that there is anything wrong with that decision of course. Just seems like setting the stage for sibling rivalry... paranoid much? Who, me?
One other note on my own travel experiences. We all seem to be worried about being That Mom on the plane, with the kid who cries the whole way and all the other eyeballs present trying to bore holes in our heads. Well, I have news for you. You will very likely have to take a turn being That Mom. Poor Kiddo had a really rough flight once (he has already been on, like, six, I'm sort of shocked to say) and I was doing all I could for him but it wasn't cutting it. I think the eyeballs boring the hottest holes in my head were my own, though, remembering being That Passenger who was soooo put out (chuckle) by the noisy baby and sat judging the parents from afar. The only looks or comments I received were sympathetic, or mercifully brief. And really, think about it - what kind of karma is that person earning for him or herself, sitting quietly with no demands being placed on them by a tiny, very uncomfortable person, passing judgement on some poor tired mama doing the best she can? They suck. You rock. You can tell them I said so.
Happy Boobjuicing all!
Much love,
Suzi
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I Will Be Brave If You Will Be Patient
Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!
So I am working on a positively epic traveling post, which may be a brief series, but first I must post this confession. Which I am typing from humid, sunny, humid, busy, humid, interesting, humid Arlington, VA. Did I mention it's humid?
A mama posted a reaction to my rant post which gave me a moment of pause. She wrote something to the effect that she would hope that I would never judge a formula feeding mom. My knee jerk reflex was "of course not," but if I'm honest, it's more complex than that. First of all, and I think this is fairly common, but I find every day is an opportunity to learn not to judge. Especially of parenting. And I know from what I see in the world around me that I am not alone in this, on many different subjects - parenting, sexuality, religion, politics, fashion. (But really, mamas, the skinny jean is almost always a mistake!)
So there are a few things going on in my emotional response to formula feeding. One, I soooo love breastfeeding my kiddo, even despite the stress of pumping at work and the pain of learning how to do it and fighting thrush for ten effing months, that the thought of not having that relationship gives me an actual pang. So every formula encounter is a pang. Clearly I am too sensitive but that is hard wired (I asked a lot of mental health professionals and sensitivity is not learned, it's biological) and hence the pangs.
Second, I feel defensive about breastfeeding. Lots of people have been great, of course, but lots of people (and too many who are close to us and should at the very least be respectful enough to keep their freaking mouths shut) have made rude, judgmental comments. "That's crazy," comes to mind. So I think there's some part of me that wants to lash back. "No, feeding your kid rocket fuel is crazy." Which again is an unfair generalization. But judging back is an understandable, if perhaps ungracious, response. Which, again, I am trying to learn not to do.
Lastly, and this is a toughie, I feel bad for the kid. We know that breastfeeding is best for baby. Even the formula companies have fessed up that it's best in the first six months, and the medical community and major children's health organizations advocate at least a year, preferably two. It's hard sometimes in the face of all that evidence to wonder what is motivating the decision on the part of the moms who are choosing formula.
But therein lies the point. I don't know what is motivating that decision.
We have kind of crap maternity leave laws in this country, particularly in hourly labor forces but even doctors and teachers really struggle with getting support from their employers for gradual return to work, pumping breaks, etc. Even if it's on the books, try being the only nursing mom doc working in the emergency room. That's tough. And where there aren't a lot of moms or even women on the team, there may be (sometimes unconscious) pressure - if you go pump, you're more interested in being a mom than a (vocation). (Actually women who aren't parents are sometimes even harder than men to get to support the needs of a nursing mom, I have heard from other mamas. I'm sure speculating about that could be a whole other post.)
Nursing is hard to learn, and we don't have the tribal knowledge that we once did (here the tribe is mommies, not an ethnic group) to support the first days of nursing to make it easier. Pumping is a pain in the ass, as I have said before (and yes it is worth it). It's hard to go from a modern American lifestyle to having a mewling infant clinging to your boobs all day - I used to treasure a quick jaunt to the grocery store just to have 15 minutes where no one would touch me. And this from a total lactivist.
Maybe the family, pediatrician, or dad/co-parent isn't as dedicated and supportive. My hubby and I worked out a system where for the night feedings he would get up first, change Kiddo, and bring Kiddo to me, so I could stay in bed or go pee while they were getting ready. Not all dads are that supportive, or frankly can afford the sleep deprivation - not sure I want, say, a taxi driver running around as sleep deprived as my hubby, who is a stay-at-home dad and just had to be awake enough not to drop the kid in those early months.
And of course I've left out the really obvious ones like Mama has a disease that could be communicated via breastfeeding, or has advanced diabetes.
So this is what I try to tell myself when I feel that pang and internal scowl. It's none of my business, I don't know what's driving that decision, and breastfeeding is not the only way to be a good mom.
I will say this, though. We do a fairly crappy job of supporting breastfeeding in this country, especially considering our relative wealth. We need to make it possible to nurse or pump comfortably on demand anywhere in the country, and not in nasty train bathrooms or dusty corners of airports. We need to teach breastfeeding with the same passion and pervasiveness as the "Back to Sleep" campaign. We need to make sure all breadwinning mamas have the resources they need to pump at work without sacrificing income or career growth. And we need to get formula sales reps out of hospitals. Like, now. Nurses don't need sales reps to help moms choose a brand of formula.
This is particularly true in less affluent segments of the population and in communities of color. The former would benefit the most from the cost savings associated with "home grown" baby food and the associated reduction in medical costs, and the latter are in my opinion being shockingly underserved by the supposedly most advanced medical system in the world.
I firmly believe when we accomplish these goals we will get a lot more moms breastfeeding a lot longer, and accordingly an improvement in child health and long-term medical cost savings.
So I will focus my energy and attention on my lactivism instead of what is none of my business. I will continue to challenge my knee-jerk reactions and the judgments that pop into my head. And I think for right now that is probably the best I can do.
Pensively yours,
Suzi
So I am working on a positively epic traveling post, which may be a brief series, but first I must post this confession. Which I am typing from humid, sunny, humid, busy, humid, interesting, humid Arlington, VA. Did I mention it's humid?
A mama posted a reaction to my rant post which gave me a moment of pause. She wrote something to the effect that she would hope that I would never judge a formula feeding mom. My knee jerk reflex was "of course not," but if I'm honest, it's more complex than that. First of all, and I think this is fairly common, but I find every day is an opportunity to learn not to judge. Especially of parenting. And I know from what I see in the world around me that I am not alone in this, on many different subjects - parenting, sexuality, religion, politics, fashion. (But really, mamas, the skinny jean is almost always a mistake!)
So there are a few things going on in my emotional response to formula feeding. One, I soooo love breastfeeding my kiddo, even despite the stress of pumping at work and the pain of learning how to do it and fighting thrush for ten effing months, that the thought of not having that relationship gives me an actual pang. So every formula encounter is a pang. Clearly I am too sensitive but that is hard wired (I asked a lot of mental health professionals and sensitivity is not learned, it's biological) and hence the pangs.
Second, I feel defensive about breastfeeding. Lots of people have been great, of course, but lots of people (and too many who are close to us and should at the very least be respectful enough to keep their freaking mouths shut) have made rude, judgmental comments. "That's crazy," comes to mind. So I think there's some part of me that wants to lash back. "No, feeding your kid rocket fuel is crazy." Which again is an unfair generalization. But judging back is an understandable, if perhaps ungracious, response. Which, again, I am trying to learn not to do.
Lastly, and this is a toughie, I feel bad for the kid. We know that breastfeeding is best for baby. Even the formula companies have fessed up that it's best in the first six months, and the medical community and major children's health organizations advocate at least a year, preferably two. It's hard sometimes in the face of all that evidence to wonder what is motivating the decision on the part of the moms who are choosing formula.
But therein lies the point. I don't know what is motivating that decision.
We have kind of crap maternity leave laws in this country, particularly in hourly labor forces but even doctors and teachers really struggle with getting support from their employers for gradual return to work, pumping breaks, etc. Even if it's on the books, try being the only nursing mom doc working in the emergency room. That's tough. And where there aren't a lot of moms or even women on the team, there may be (sometimes unconscious) pressure - if you go pump, you're more interested in being a mom than a (vocation). (Actually women who aren't parents are sometimes even harder than men to get to support the needs of a nursing mom, I have heard from other mamas. I'm sure speculating about that could be a whole other post.)
Nursing is hard to learn, and we don't have the tribal knowledge that we once did (here the tribe is mommies, not an ethnic group) to support the first days of nursing to make it easier. Pumping is a pain in the ass, as I have said before (and yes it is worth it). It's hard to go from a modern American lifestyle to having a mewling infant clinging to your boobs all day - I used to treasure a quick jaunt to the grocery store just to have 15 minutes where no one would touch me. And this from a total lactivist.
Maybe the family, pediatrician, or dad/co-parent isn't as dedicated and supportive. My hubby and I worked out a system where for the night feedings he would get up first, change Kiddo, and bring Kiddo to me, so I could stay in bed or go pee while they were getting ready. Not all dads are that supportive, or frankly can afford the sleep deprivation - not sure I want, say, a taxi driver running around as sleep deprived as my hubby, who is a stay-at-home dad and just had to be awake enough not to drop the kid in those early months.
And of course I've left out the really obvious ones like Mama has a disease that could be communicated via breastfeeding, or has advanced diabetes.
So this is what I try to tell myself when I feel that pang and internal scowl. It's none of my business, I don't know what's driving that decision, and breastfeeding is not the only way to be a good mom.
I will say this, though. We do a fairly crappy job of supporting breastfeeding in this country, especially considering our relative wealth. We need to make it possible to nurse or pump comfortably on demand anywhere in the country, and not in nasty train bathrooms or dusty corners of airports. We need to teach breastfeeding with the same passion and pervasiveness as the "Back to Sleep" campaign. We need to make sure all breadwinning mamas have the resources they need to pump at work without sacrificing income or career growth. And we need to get formula sales reps out of hospitals. Like, now. Nurses don't need sales reps to help moms choose a brand of formula.
This is particularly true in less affluent segments of the population and in communities of color. The former would benefit the most from the cost savings associated with "home grown" baby food and the associated reduction in medical costs, and the latter are in my opinion being shockingly underserved by the supposedly most advanced medical system in the world.
I firmly believe when we accomplish these goals we will get a lot more moms breastfeeding a lot longer, and accordingly an improvement in child health and long-term medical cost savings.
So I will focus my energy and attention on my lactivism instead of what is none of my business. I will continue to challenge my knee-jerk reactions and the judgments that pop into my head. And I think for right now that is probably the best I can do.
Pensively yours,
Suzi
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