Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!
I have climbed back over the edge of the planet and returned to my beloved blog. Sorry about that! I think I'm feeling like I'm not lactating at the moment so I can't possibly have anything valid to say to y'all. Which is absurd. How much terrific advice and support have I gotten from mamas who were done with the boobjuicing part of their motherhood? Eight million metric tons. And I still have a lot of great travel stories from mama friends to share. And some tips that have been on my mind. So here we are, a fairly disjointed, well-intended, and as always, enthusiastic post intended to support, help, or at least amuse all the boobjuicers and friends.
I think a lot of expecting mamas, especially first time mamas, wonder what they can do to prepare for the arrival of their babies, and make the amazing, crazy first few weeks and months of life go a little more smoothly. Lots of folks give some very useful practical advice in this regard - make double batches of dinner favorites for a while before your due date so you can chock the freezer full of good, healthful, cost-efficient dinners. (I highly suggest this, especially if you are getting antsy and need something to distract yourself.). You will be (quite rightly) encouraged not to be shy about accepting offers of help - there are even web calendars available now to schedule your well-intending helpers so you don't get three dinners tonight and none next week. But what about planning for supporting breastfeeding?
There are breastfeeding classes available at many hospitals and birth centers. I imagine these vary from helpful and gently supportive to whacking you over the head with a copy of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding until you feel so scared and guilty that you try to crawl under the table and hide. We took one and I think it helped, but it's really hard to teach how to get a good latch when you don't have a baby to work with.
I think it might have been helpful to find a lactation consultant BEFORE you give birth. You may not need her, great, nothing lost. But if you do need her, the web research or phone calls you have to go through to find her when you are uncomfortable and possibly worried may seem excruciating. Note that you don't have to go for the individual consultant style if that's not financially viable for you. Find the local breastfeeding support groups and make a list somewhere on your computer or fridge. Find out if your birth center/midwife/hospital has services - my fairly mainstream hospital had an on-site full-time lactation consultant, and a lot of the nurses were lactation educators. Easier to find on the Left Coast, I grant you. But more and more states are offering breastfeeding support services too - a quick Google search turned up TX, GA, NY, PA, and I didn't even click to the second page. And if you worked with a doula, chances are she has a lot of practice with breastfeeding support.
Another idea I had is to create your breastfeeding support network before giving birth. Who do you know who nursed their babies for at least a year? Yes, she may be a little weird or seem a bit out there to you. I bet you a donut she would be delighted to help you succeed at nursing your little bundle of hunger, er, joy. Who are the mamas you know and respect? It doesn't matter if they are far away, you are an internet maven and you know how to contact these people. Who seems wary of your choice to breastfeed, or maybe even completely against it? Let them know that you are not interested in discouraging comments, or if you don't feel like being that direct with them, give yourself permission now to avoid their phone calls for however long it takes to feel confident in your nursing so you can deal with them without getting upset. Is it someone you can't get away with avoiding? Practice now what you will say to stop undermining comments in their tracks. "I don't want to talk about it." That's good enough. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Or you could burst into tears and ask them to leave. Totally fair game for a new mama, and if you can do it on command, why not?
I will also say that the biggest transformation for me in motherhood, I think, or a top three candidate anyway, was in learning to trust myself with less second-guessing. This is freaking hard. I suck at it, broadly speaking. But out of my mouth I have heard the words, “I am the mama. My word is law.” Spoken to someone older than me, not to my kiddo. Lots of “voices of authority” are going to tell you things that are utter crap. They do not think it is crap, and they are not lying to you. It's just stuff that isn't right for you and your kiddo. These well-intending people may include, but are not limited to:
Your mother
Your mother-in-law
Your partner
Your best friend
Your pediatrician
and possibly even,
Your lactation consultant.
The one that was hardest, though, was when I was struggling with yeast (yuk) and called the lactation support group at a famous, well-reputed So Cal hospital for advice. She listed this completely impractical regimen including smearing athlete's foot cream on my boobs, doing a no-sugar diet (which works great for vaginal yeast, as long as you can spend all weekend on meal-planning, shopping, and cooking), sunning my naked breasts (still illegal, even in Cali), and a bunch of other crap I can't even remember. I hung up and felt like, okay, I'm screwed. Nursing is going to hurt like hell forever. NOT TRUE. And boy do I wish I had known it then. Thank God I am (a) a nerd and (b) stubborn as a pig. Uncle Internet presented me with Dr. Newman, whose yeast protocol I promptly faxed to my Ob/Gyn, who actually thanked me for the “interesting article” and called in exactly the prescription I wanted. Yes, you can boss your doctor around, and if she or he doesn't cooperate, get another doctor. It's your body, they are your boobs, and your kiddo is your kiddo.
Ooo, another example of bad advice – the WOMAN Ob/Gyn who said I would have to stop breastfeeding to take fluconazole (Diflucan). See previous post. Grrrrrr. It would be mean of me to wish a yeast infection of the milk ducts on someone, right?
Okay so this has morphed from “how to prep for baby” to “you are going to get crap advice so be ready to have a thick skin.” But I think that's part of “how to get ready for baby.” And don't worry, I do not have a thick skin naturally. In fact, I'm quite the sensitive little creature. It's sort of a pain in the ass, and a license therapist has assured me that it's hard wired, you can't unlearn it in cognitive behavioral therapy (although like anything you can learn to deal with it). So if you are a bit of a shrinking violet and think that you can't possibly stand up to your mother-in-law, your pediatrician, and the pushy lady at your breastfeeding support group, well, think again Mama. You totally can. And what's better, if you don't feel like it, just avoid 'em. Yep. You have the universe's permission to avoid talking to m-i-l for weeks and just say, “oh, the baby's nocturnal right now, so we're always sleeping when it's a polite hour to call/visit.” And to switch pediatricians. And breastfeeding support groups.
So I hope I haven't frightened anyone. This is an amazing, wonderful ride and you are going to love the heck out of it, even if it takes a while to get there. I think I wasted half the fun of my last month of pregnancy worrying about what kind of mother I would be and whether I had bought enough crap for the kid. People did tell me that all I really need is diapers, a car seat, and my boobs, and the rest can always be bought at Target or borrowed from friends, even late at night. But I didn't believe them. Which would be funny now if I didn't have mint.com telling me what my ignorance cost me. Ah well.
Be well beloved boobjuicers and friends!
Much love,
Suzi
PS - usual disclaimer that none of the above is medical advice, I am not a doctor, and I have no money so don't sue me.
