Good gravy it's been eight months since my last post. Whoops. Well, I've had A Year. But more on that later. Today I wrote another poem. Here it is.
Love,
Suzi
STUCK
My grief is stuck
I can feel it, like heartburn
caught behind a ball of anger
refusing
to let my broken heart heal
What will release this fury, to free my grief, so my heart can keen herself clear?
I need the balm of forgiveness
the courage to give again as I did before
Fear stops me.
Fear says, "If you forgive, you will forget, and it will all happen again."
Fear says Anger keeps me safe.
Fear helps Anger to push the grief back down
into my heart
to grow cold
and rigid
and start to die.
Love offers courage
my love of my children
offers me a reason to keep trying
their love for me
removes any excuse
to let fear win.
Love offers a reason to let the anger out, past the fear, to burn up in the pure sunlight
as inconsequential
as a puff of smoke
Love opens her arms, takes me onto her warm, safe lap
holds my head to her chest, strokes my hair, while I cry
Love warms me
Love promises that forgiveness is not foolishness
That my scars earned me wisdom
That my scars are strong and alive
Love soothes me
she reaches into my cold chest
so I can breathe
so I can cry
so I can heal
I look into love's face
and see myself
smiling back
strong
beautiful
whole
brave
alive
forgiven
forgiving
strong
free.
