Stuck

Good gravy it's been eight months since my last post. Whoops. Well, I've had A Year. But more on that later. Today I wrote another poem. Here it is.
Love,
Suzi


STUCK

My grief is stuck
   I can feel it, like heartburn
      caught behind a ball of anger
         refusing
            to let my broken heart heal

What will release this fury, to free my grief, so my heart can keen herself clear?

I need the balm of forgiveness
   the courage to give again as I did before

Fear stops me.

Fear says, "If you forgive, you will forget, and it will all happen again."
   Fear says Anger keeps me safe.
      Fear helps Anger to push the grief back down
         into my heart
            to grow cold
               and rigid
                  and start to die.


Love offers courage
   my love of my children
      offers me a reason to keep trying
         their love for me
            removes any excuse
               to let fear win.

Love offers a reason to let the anger out, past the fear, to burn up in the pure sunlight
   as inconsequential
      as a puff of smoke

Love opens her arms, takes me onto her warm, safe lap
   holds my head to her chest, strokes my hair, while I cry

Love warms me
   Love promises that forgiveness is not foolishness
      That my scars earned me wisdom
         That my scars are strong and alive

Love soothes me
   she reaches into my cold chest
      so I can breathe
         so I can cry
            so I can heal

I look into love's face
   and see myself
      smiling back
         strong
            beautiful
               whole
                  brave
                     alive
                        forgiven
                           forgiving
                              strong
                           
                                    free.