Well, Sukie and I went to the office on Monday! I was excited. After Robert was born, I felt guilty for feeling excited to get back to my breadwinning gig. But this time not so much. Perhaps it's because I see now that Robert is doing just great being raised by his excellent (although lactation challenged) father. But I also see quite clearly that I need the balance of the rent gig and the parent gig, and I haven't even felt the need to hide behind the economic necessity nearly as much this time around. I hope other mamas who need to make the donuts as well as make the milk are able to find this peace. Too many of us feel guilty or conflicted about going back to work. Staying home grumpy does not make us better mothers.
I had been mentally cautioning myself not to expect to get too much done, given that I would need to get my bearings again and slog though tons of email. Just to drive the point home, my computer wouldn't speak to my monitor all day, so I got almost nothing done. I enjoyed the cheerful welcome back wishes from my colleagues, though, and participated in our investment committee meeting. And Sukie and I did just fine. Matt brought the kiddos over at lunchtime, since I figured I wasn't getting anything done anyway I might as well nurse Jackie. Wednesday, though, I did yoga on my lunch break. It's absurdly difficult to find 40 minutes and a quiet spot to accomplish this at home in our tiny, crowded (but cozy and joyful!) apartment. So while there is barely enough room in my office for a sun salute, it still works better to do it there.
Copying the genius of my friend and colleague Mama C.C., I have ordered enough spare pump parts to get through a work day without washing any. They aren't all here yet but I am very much looking forward to the convenience of that practice. I'll get some dishwasher baskets too, so I can just toss them all in there at the end of the day and be done with it.
I hope you are all well and calmer than I am in this joyful season. Those who may be concerned that I might forget that "Jesus is the reason for the season" need not worry, as I frequently and fervently pray to get everything done without losing my mind. Also, a happy Hanukkah to those who celebrate, and let me know if you want to arrange a latke-for-gingerbread exchange. And happy Kwanza, happy Yule, happy Solstice (yay longer daylight!) and if I forgot someone please accept my general wishes for a pleasant and peaceful season.
Much love,
Suzi
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