Self-Love

Beloved readers,

Before I start this topic, let me acknowledge that I owe several folks a post on weaning.

Okay self-love - is she talking about masturbation? Because she totally would. Yes, I would, and no, I'm not.

I've been doing a lot of hard work in therapy lately, and a lot of it boils down to trusting that I have worth. Wait, what? Suzi is so outgoing she talks about boobs and sex and money on her blog. She says "breastpump" to high level executives at her multinational bank. (Some would just say I'm crazy but that's not really tonight's topic.) How could Suzi be anything but full of self-confidence?

I'm wildly co-dependent. A lot of us are. I've been getting a lot out of "Co-Dependent No More," which I highly recommend. And through this process I have realized that I define a lot of my value in how I can make someone else feel, or conversely, in being careful not to make other people feel certain things. Example: If someone is mad at me, I go into "fight or flight" mode, the world is going to end, and I will do crazy shit to make that person not be mad at me anymore. This behavior, as you might guess, is not serving anyone particularly well.

So I was thinking about this. Some of you will remember, and many of you might enjoy, my post about body image, "I Have A Really Great Ass." (Which I do.) If you haven't read it and don't care to, I'll spoil the ending here: I challenge the reader to say five things they love about their body. Unconditionally complementary. Preferably while looking in the mirror. Out loud. Repeatedly until you believe it, and even better, until it's comfortable to say.

Tonight (in a wine bar with a rather ordinary caprese salad and a pleasant glass of chardonnay), I have another challenge for myself and for you, my beloved readers.

Tell yourself that you have worth. You have value. You matter. You add to the universe. And say at least five reasons why. Here's the tricky part - they can't be because of something you cause other people to think or feel. No, "I have value because I make other people feel good." Instead, "I have value because I am kind."

Here's mine.

I have value.
I am kind.
I am strong.
I am brave.
I am loving.
I am industrious.
I am passionate.
I am good.
I add to the universe.

I want to do lists for a bunch of people I know and love, but the point of this exercise is for us each to tell ourselves these things, and know them all the way down to our bones, and feel them in our hearts. So then we don't NEED each other to be at peace. We may WANT one another's companionship, love, comfort, and so on, but we know that we are each sufficient in ourselves, without any particular person or thing outside of us. And then later, when I do get to tell you all the wonderful things about you, well that's just icing on the cake.

Do yours now. Say them out loud. Say them in the mirror. Do it even if it's scary. Keep doing it even if it makes you cry. Practice every day, until you can say them with a smile and calm sureness in your heart.

I love you all, and I love me too.
Suzi