Beach!

Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!

Greetings from the lovely Oregon coast. So, here's how much of an evil little twerp is post-partum anxiety. This is our last night at the beach on what has been a fantastic vacation. So I walked the, what, fifty yards? to the ocean from our rented beach house, to say goodbye to the ocean. And was able to stand there for maybe a minute before horrible visions of a tsunami drowning my baby sent me back to the house. Sigh. I tried taking a deep breath, shaking my head, looking back at the house and then back towards the ocean. Wound up just watching for two more waves to make sure the water really wasn't rising and then giving up.

I finally decided to go on sertraline (Zoloft) a few weeks ago. I had been trying to avoid it on the theory that I wanted to expose my little nursling to as little as possible in terms of chemicals in my breastmilk. But after one night too many of crying uncontrollably for no reason I could discern, I decided she's better off with a sane mother than with slightly more pristine breastmilk. Man, I wish I'd come to that conclusion about eight months ago. Sigh. But anyway, I'm feeling much improved, even with tsunami flashes, and after much research am comfortable that Jackie will not be harmed.

And meanwhile, I have discovered the secret to a relaxing vacation with little littles. Extra grownups. We are on vacation with my sister and her husband (two of my favorite people in the whole wide world, also, and lots of fun). Outnumbering the kids two to one is sheer genius. Matt and I didn't manage to have a date (we officially suck at that by the way) but I got lots of sleep. No, really. Jackie and I had like a three hour nursey nap yesterday, and later that day I realized I didn't feel tired. For pretty much the first time I can recall since parenthood. Ahhh.

I brought my breastpump, too. I thought I might be able to sneak in a session a day or so. Well, not so much. I could have if I was willing to do one side while Jackie nursed the other, which is a perfectly reasonable strategy, or pump after she nursed. Some mamas get milk that way, I usually don't. But between all the nursing, sleeping, and s'mores and whatnot, I just didn't make it happen. Who is surprised? Sorry about that.

So presently I'm sitting in the upstairs loft area, listening to Jackie squawk and Robert insist that he needs help getting out of something which Cathy says he can get out of himself. I don't think I want to know.

Much love,
Suzi