Why Breasts Are Sexy

That ought to wake some folks up, yes?

I realize the people who really need this post aren't reading it. But maybe we can get this point out into the general population.

Breasts are sexy BECAUSE they are for feeding children.

As little mammals, programmed deep in our DNA to make copies of ourselves, we are often, indeed I might hazard to say mostly, attracted to features in mates which say "I will help you make lots of healthy copies of yourself." Curvy hips? Room for babies. Healthy skin, hair, strong muscles? Healthy parent, lots of good DNA. Strong muscles also says good provider, feed the babies. As do luscious breasts. Unfortunately we have divorced breasts from babies in our society, to the detriment of both. But when you make peace with their biological purpose, you can make room for the fact that breasts are for sexual pleasure AND nourishing offspring.

I am attracted to a lot more in my husband than all the delicious healthy baby advertising features which I will not describe on this blog (because he would feel shy, I think, but suffice to say he has them in spades). He's smart, he's kind, he's funny, he's interesting, he's handsome (wandering back towards healthy babies perhaps...) We are MORE than just mammals looking to make copies of ourselves. Obviously sex is for more than procreation. This is also evolutionary genius. Make it yummy, good for you, fun, and the little creatures will want to do it a lot. To make more babies. Not all of us want little copies of ourselves pooping on the furniture and crashing the minivan. But deep in our core, that drive is very, very strong.

So if a mama chooses not to breastfeed, or can't, am I saying her boobs aren't hot? This is such a ridiculous suggestion I hate to dignify it, but someone's going to ask. After a man has a vasectomy, is his penis less desirable? Are we done with that now? Okay thanks.

Last caveat. I can just hear someone saying this is a not gay-bi-trans-friendly post. I sincerely hope it does not come across that way. My heart is rainbow striped. Gay sex is obviously just as natural as straight sex, just ask the cute gay penguins, or George Takei. Perhaps one of our lovely lavender friends will leave a comment analyzing my point in the context of the wonderful variety of human sexuality. I am clearly not qualified to do so. I do know some pretty hot gay breastfeeding mamas though.

I love and celebrate you all.
Suzi

I have never been so grateful to have to pump breastmilk in my life.

Dear readers,

I am very pleased to say that I survived my training day at our cooperative preschool. And so did all the kids, even. But I am totally wiped. I'm actually an introvert.

I'll wait for you to stop laughing.

Ready?  Okay. So, introverts are not necessarily shy. We can be quite outgoing. Evidence me. What we are, in fact, is people who rebuild our energy via solitude. Ahhh. So we get tired and overwhelmed and grumpy when we are around too many people for too long. I first started to realize this waaaaay later than ideal. See, it would be great if parents sniffed out what their children's flavor was on this scale and subsequently taught the kiddos how to take care of their own needs for solitude or company, but come on, which of us has time to Meyers Briggs the kids? We're trying to keep them fed and alive, here. Maybe even clean, on a good day. So by the time I started to noticed that I need quiet me time, preferably alone in my own home, every day, or I get grumpy, I was well into my 20's. Maybe even 30 something. I really clued in when I was on a company offsite, which had been designed as WE MUST ALL BE TOGETHER HAVING FUN ALL THE TIME BECAUSE WE ARE TEAM BUILDING!!!! Fail. I grumped off to my hotel room after lunch on day 2 and fell dead asleep. Then I worked out and then by dinner I was a nice person again. It was miraculous.

So, for someone like me, being one of five grownups in a group of 17 preschoolers for 4+ hours is even more freaking exhausting than it already is just by virtue of being one of five grownups in a group of 17 preschoolers. So by the time Snack rolled around and I closed myself into the Art Room to pump, I was so, so, so in need of that quiet break. I just breathed and sat and enjoyed the much closer to quiet environment. I was so sad to see the timer on my PJ hit 17 minutes (I probably only needed like 12 to pump). But I was refreshed enough to go play "Monsters Chase Mommy Suzi, Mommy Suzi Falls Down, Monsters Say They Will Eat Her and Bury Her in Woodchips." It was fun. It was a beautiful morning and I got to both run around and lie down. It was worth every wood chip I had to pick out of my hair and pants.

I think I'll send our preschool teachers chocolates. Like, every day. Forever.

Much love,
Suzi

PS - Hubby, Please, please please, don't get sick on our shift day...

High Finance, Drama, and Breastmilk!

Hello Dear Readers!

So, this morning, I had a very exciting work opportunity, to present to our decision making committee. It came about somewhat suddenly and I've been going mach 2 with my hair on fire getting ready for a couple weeks. This is a high profile assignment, and my first opportunity to speak to this committee since we merged with a larger company.

You can tell where I'm going with this, can't you? Well, in case y'all are anxious like me, let me spoil the ending - everything turns out okay.

So I get up nice and early (for once) to get to work nice and early (for once) while still leaving Hubby Matt the car to do some grocery shopping (thanks honey!) that I just didn't make happen this weekend. Technically that's my job, the way we've divided things up, but I finished my meal planning and list making this morning, and that's the part that he really doesn't want to do (and where I have the comparative advantage anyway, says EconoDork Mama Suzi). (Aren't you glad I spoiled the ending? I mean how much more annoying would my tangential babbling be if you were wondering if I sprung a leak in the middle of my presentation? Which I did not.) Anyway the material point of this paragraph is that I last nursed Jackie at like 5, 5:30 this morning.

As usual, our monthly Fancy Committee meeting ran long. Like longer than I anticipated. And I'm at the end of the agenda. And I usually nurse Jackie around 6:30 or 7. So I'm starting to worry... check time on phone, check agenda, try to surreptitiously check breasts for fullness, pretending that I'm just cold and crossing my arms.... write note on boss's papers next to me, "Got to take a mama break, back 20-25 minutes." He nods sympathetically, with a hopeful but perhaps slightly worried look... ZOOM! Walk briskly to that office! Set up that PJ's Comfort! Massage those breasts! Apply that coconut oil! Dial in to that conference call - MUTE IT FOR GOD's SAKE! Okay now... relax. FAST! No really, relax. Oh, okay. Deep breaths. Neck stretches. Listen to the fascinating asset allocation discussion... ahhh.... look out window at pretty view, think about cute baby... she's so cute, you know, and when I came out of the bathroom this morning she was peeking like a little prairie dog over the edge of the Pack-n-Play next to the bed... ARE WE DONE YET? No, of course not. More full from not nursing since 5:30. Argh. Relax.... still not on the second to last agenda item... now we are... but the girls are done! Okay, GO GO GO! Store that breastmilk (totally could have just left it on my desk and closed the door, but anyway). Button up that shirt. Grab materials. Dash to fridge, put milk away. Dash back to conference room. WAIT. deep breath. Look down. Shirt on? No weird drips or coconut oil? Okay, good. Composure. I am a calm, confident woman, and I know this presentation flat. Go in.

"Any other questions? Well then Suzanne, you're just in time." "Ah, fabulous. So, I'm sure you all looked at our pretty charts and graphs..." Deep breaths, speak slowly.

And our proposed product passes! WHEEE!

Seriously who needs to be a cat-suit clad international woman of mystery when you've got a financial calculator and a breastpump? And I firmly believe the universe is on the side of the mamas.

Much love,
Suzi

Rally, Preschool, and CPR

Hello Dear Readers!

This weekend found me Single Momming it as I had sent my husband home to cheer up his parents and play IT support. Recall that colon cancer sucks. Gary is doing very well all things considered. But the suckage is undisputed. Well, I'm pleased to report that not only did I have the same number of kids at the end of the weekend as I did at the beginning of the weekend, and the house was still standing, but we actually had a nice time! I got an absurd quantity of laundry done (for some reason I'm really good at cranking through laundry), the dishes done, I made soup and chicken stock, Robert and I made cookies, we had friends over to dinner, and - sit down for this one - we went to a rally. The last thing remotely resembling a political demonstration which found me in attendance was in 1996. The environmental canvas I worked for took over a town counsel meeting. I forget why. We didn't want them to do something or other. But generally I don't like large group political demonstrations of any sort. I dislike crowds, and some idiot always starts chanting "eat kittens" or something else which is clearly nonsense but with which it is difficult to disassociate oneself if one is standing in the same large group of sign wavers.

So why go to this one? Ah, well, just one step removed from a Rally to Support Moms Pumping Breastmilk in the Workplace, this was about improving the birth experience for mamas and babies in this country. (Birth rally on Labor Day - get it? tee hee.) Recall my VBAC story. This gets me where I live, as it were. Actually come to think of it I have no idea what people mean when they say that - but this really matters to me. My heart said I have to put my day off where my heart is and show up. So we did. Me and Preschooler and Baby and some snacks and a stroller and the ergo carrier and purse and diaper bag... thank goodness it wasn't some huge, tightly packed crowd. Actually it was about the mellowest rally ever. Like a giant play date. With midwives and doulas and other radical wacky folk like that. It was awesome. I met interesting mamas working to help mamas and babies, many of them as an avocation and passion like me. We didn't even get a sunburn.

Fast forward three days. We went to our lovely co-op preschool for a sort of dress-rehearsal half day today. Have I mentioned how much I love my nice quiet office, with a door, and a computer, and assignments that make it totally legit to sit still and ignore all humans for minutes on end? I was totally overstimulated the minute I walked in the door. And at that point only three preschoolers were there, and one of them was mine. This bodes ill for me doing any co-op shifts this year. Mostly of course that will be my SAHD hubby's job, but I will be on call in case he is ill or something. Eek. So I took Jackie downstairs to the young toddlers room for a bit. Surely that will be more mellow, right? Sure, until she chokes on watermelon. Another mama complimented me on how calmly I handled it, just getting up from the table, carrying Jackie a few feet away, and beginning my Red Cross rescue for choking infant maneuvers, just as I was so well trained by that fine and important organization. Poor kiddo really had a chunk lodged in there. And now I'm convinced all the other parents think I'm a horrible, negligent mother who nearly kills her daughter on a regular basis.

Sigh.

I'm a really good investment advisor... Seriously I've never killed a single client.

Much love,
Suzi

Cleverness, Cuteness, and Then Not So Much

Hello Dear Readers!

I'm feeling terribly clever at the moment. I noticed a spot of Something Suspicious in one of the more complicated, labyrinthine parts of my PJ's Comfort just now, at work. Couldn't get it all the way out with a straightened paperclip, even under hot running water. So I just nuked it in a mug of water for a couple minutes. Whatever it is, now it's sterile!

Also, I must share that Jackie is really adorable searching for a boob in bed with her eyes closed and her tongue out. "aaaaahhh?"

Lastly, I want to express how frustrated, frightened, and angry I feel watching our legislators, supposedly educated men, trivialize and misunderstand rape and resultant pregnancies. Lots of folks rightly point out that when our legislative body is overwhelmingly composed of one sub-set of the population (crusty old white guys), you get skewed policy. I want for my daughter a world where a bunch of crusty old white guys would still understand how human reproduction works and that rape is rape is rape, is horrible, is much too common, and is not the victim's fault or responsibility. Ever. Why aren't we there yet? Totally unacceptible.

Much love,
Suzi

PS - this post is another great example of the constantly conflicting impulses in my brain, like the previous post points out, leading to the crazy. Or at least the stressed and anxious.

World Breastfeeding Week, and Why I Am Crazy

Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!

I hope you had a lovely World Breastfeeding Week. I celebrated by attending the Big Latch On with nursling Jackie and two of my favorite boobjuicers. But here we are back in the work week, and love my job though I do, I'm in a bit of a funk today. Part of it is a sort of "Oh my gosh my husband turned forty, does that mean *I* am close to forty?" (yes, it does) existential angst that hit me in April when my husband turned (you guessed it) forty. (He is as handsome as ever, that stinker, while I have developed a very expensive hair dye habit.) My brain keeps trying to figure out how I can do the CFP program, become an IBCLC, write two books, start a rock band, open a mama/baby boutique and class space, become a Portland-style bicycling badass, and study Aikido all at once. There may be a bit of a hitch with this plan.

But this morning as it came time to get the PJ working again, it hit me. The trouble with breastfeeding is you can't take a day off. I mean, sure, you could. If you want the kid to go hungry, or you want to pump all day instead (yuk), or you want to wean in the most abrupt way possible. So yeah, you essentially can't take a day off. How many jobs can you never take a day off? Even motherhood you can get a break from, maybe not literally in that you are still a mom, but you can hand the kids to your partner/sister/parents/babysitter and go hide at a day spa or even just a coffee shop for a day. But not when you're nursing.

You all know I love nursing my little Jackie, and loved nursing Robert, and cried when he declared he was done. You have probably noticed or guessed that I'm all conflicted that after Jackie we are most likely done and thus when she says no more I am done breastfeeding. So of course, like everything else in motherhood, wanting a day off of nursing is wrought with conflicting emotions. I'm tired. I am sick of pumping three times a day. I'm sure my husband is tired of all the rigmarole of making bottles and prepping donor milk and washing pump parts. But I love nursing Jackie, and I don't want to stop any time soon. It's so cuddly, and it's a bond like no other between two humans that I have known, and she's so cute and sweet, and I love all the good it does both of our bodies.

This is why the mamas are all crazy. Think about it - everyone thinks their mom is crazy. Or most everyone, it seems. Well, maybe she is. Maybe she has spent decades having her brain pulled in opposite directions. "Yes, thank you, I need a break. Wait, I miss him!" "Oh, I'm so proud of you - wait! You're growing up so fast!" "Oh thank god, no more diapers - AAAaa! I'm all out of babies!" Of course she's crazy. You would be too.

Maybe now that I've gotten that written out, I'll be able to concentrate. Chuckle. Yeah, right.

Much love,
Suzi

Product Review: PJ's Comfort Pump

Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!

At long last, the review of the PJ's Comfort pump by Limerick. You may recall I was totally wanting to review this pump but not wanting to shell out the cash to buy one given that I have two other pumps and am 2/3 done with my pumping year (more than that at this point). So I called Limerick and pointed out my Hygeia EnJoye review, and suggested, wouldn't they like me to review their pump too, for my wonderful readers? So they deliberated, and then had a pump sent to the Nursing Mothers Counsel of Oregon for a two month trial. Awesome! So not only did I get to try it out for two weeks, but some other mamas who are peer counselors will also get to try it.

So this is going to have to be a longer write up, because this pump is so different from most pumps with which most mamas are familiar, that it takes a lot of explaining. But by way of an executive summary, after returning the trial pump to NMC, I bought a used one on eBay. So that should let you know what I thought. I mean, yes, I'm a pump happy fool, but you don't see me buying extra Medelas just to have handy for fun.

The PJ is a hospital-grade pump which can be used by multiple mamas who each have their own accessory kit. The kit includes a "bacteriostatic" filter, which protects the pump mechanism from germies, and is tested to some tiny particle size like it's so small if something that size is going to hurt you, you were toast anyway, in diameter. In this respect it is similar to the Hygeia EnJoye, although the latter is not hospital grade. Well what is hospital grade? Good question. In a remarkable coincidence, the NMC education meeting last month was all about pumps and pumping. One of the peer counselors went through some specs on different pumps, hospital and retail, and what suction and cycles they offered. I think the chief difference is that most manufacturers who offer both types make the hospital grade ones stronger. They also say the hospital grade ones are built to last longer, but anecdotal evidence suggests that they may be less differentiated than companies might like us to believe. And lastly, hospital grade pumps appear to always be usable by more than one mama, each with her own personal accessory kit.

I used a Medela hospital grade pump for a while with Robert - first in the hospital and then as a rental. I don't remember the name of the model but it's the older of the two still on the market, and it's a large scary looking blue thing. It has a kit which includes a plunger thingee (which you can use as a hand pump! I learned that at the NMC educational meeting) and otherwise is sort of indistinguishable from the Pump In Style, in terms of user experience. I do think it goes up to a higher level of suction, but I couldn't tolerate the highest level of suction on the Pump In Style, so that was sort of moot for me. I hated this pump, although to be fair, the nurse who showed me how to use it turned it up to highest suction while I was using both hands to hold the pump accessories to my breasts and couldn't defend myself. I was saying "OW! OW!" and she took longer than was merciful to get the point and turn it back down. I didn't particularly like that nurse, you may have notice. None of which is Medela's fault. AND, that was February 2009 and they have a newer hospital grade pump on the market which could be nicer for the user, I don't know. But I think it's fair to say that it's very similar to using a Pump In Style. Medela is welcome to send me a pump to try if they would like to dispute that statement. And then the Hygeia EnJoye, while an improvement over the Pump In Style in several ways which I detailed in my review of that product, is also very similar in that you put a hard plastic cone thingee on your breast and it push/pulls on your nipple to get the milk out.

The PJ Comfort uses soft silicone breast flanges and does not have the same push/pull action. It actually has a compression aspect to it, as well as suction, which is designed to mimic how a baby actually nurses. It's a little hard to explain, but Limerick has some great videos on their website demonstrating how it works. But when I first started using it, between the unfamiliar mechanism and the fact that the braces that hold the silicone flanges on sort of block the view of the nipple moving, I thought it wasn't doing anything. So then it didn't make any sense to me that I was getting milk out of it. I was working closely with Patricia and Joan (P&J, get it?) via email and phone, and apparently I'm not the only mama who was sort of like, "I don't get why it works." We have it in our heads that if our nipples aren't being stretched like taffy and it doesn't hurt, nothing is happening. Which means we are probably all using our conventional push/pull breastpumps incorrectly, but it also means we are amazed when we try this PJ one.

It takes a little practice to get used to the pump (true of any pump) especially if you are used to adjusting the settings on the EnJoye or the Pump In Style. The way to use the PJ is to turn both the suction and the cycle to "start". This puts low suction, fast cycle action into play. It sort of tickles, like when you latch on the baby and baby instictively flutter sucks to get a let down. So you leave it that way for a minute and then turn up suction to the most that is still comfortable. Higher suction means the fastest cycle is slower. This part took some getting used to - at first I was turning both knobs, but P and J instructed me that the cycle adjustment is more for fine-tuning and the suction adjustment is where most of the action is. Once I tried it this way I got better results - more milk in less time.

So the first thing I noticed is that this thing is WAAAAAY more comfortable. The silicone sticks to my skin, so I definitely want the coconut oil, which then fuses itself to the silicone permanently. Seriously I've even re-boiled these flanges and got about half the coconut oil off. So if you are skeeved out by that and want to use oil, you might not like it. But I figure, coconut oil is anti-microbial, I can boil them periodically to re-sterilize them, and I'm okay with it. And again, way more comfortable than my other breastpumps. After 10-15 minutes it becomes less comfortable - I think what's happening is when the milk is done some of the suction is being transferred to the skin instead (you know how when you latch the baby on in the middle of the night in the dark and you miss the nipple it hurts like heck and then you have a boob hickey?). But I have also noticed that there is no particular benefit to letting it run more than a moment after the milk is all done. So if I get to this discomfort point, what it really means is I stopped paying attention to the pumping and was busy typing product reviews on my blog. Oh, hang on a sec.

Another nice thing about the PJ is that, because it has both compression and suction, you don't have to do the compressions yourself to get the most out of the pump. Suzi what are you talking about? Well, as the fine folks at Stanford have taught us, you need to do compression and/or hand expression along with pumping when you use a push/pull pump, or you get less milk and in particular less of the nice filling fatty milk than you can get by using your hands (and, of course, than baby gets when nursing). So I have been doing this since early Robert pumping days. But when I did it with my PJ's pump, nothing much happened. I asked about that, and P and J confirmed that it's because the pump itself is providing the compression action. So this explains why another mama I know said she got twice as much milk with her PJ's Comfort as with any other pump - I think she wasn't doing hands-on pumping. Because I always do hands-on pumping, I didn't notice much of a volume output difference between the pumps, maybe slightly more with the PJ, but it sure is more convenient to be able to type for the whole time I'm pumping rather than having to stop and do hand compression halfway through.

There are some other nice features about the PJ's Comfort pump, too. One, it's tiny and light. Again, how the heck is this tiny little thing accomplishing this more effective pumping? Well I don't have to understand it to appreciate it, luckily. Two, it's much quieter than other pumps. As I have said before, I don't really care, because I have my own office with a door to close, but we aren't all so lucky, and besides it's nice not to have tired ears in addition to tired breasts (and tired everything else, after all we are mamas!) Three, it's got a clever little timer thing that shows you how long you have been pumping, which saves me fiddling with my iPhone. I was surprised by how useful I found this - I figured it was a silly feature, I mean who doesn't have a timer or computer or something nearby, but really anything that simplifies the cumbersome process of collecting milk for our littles while working in the salt mines is a bonus. Four, the tubes are long. They aren't as flexible as the tubing for the EnJoye, but more so than my old Pump In Style. I like this because if I lean over to grab something I don't yank the flange off my breast. Maybe you mamas are less forgetful/clumsy than I am, but to me having short tubes made me feel even more like a Holstein hooked up to a milking factory.  The tubes are also wider in diameter, which is good because I got milk in one. If you get the bacteriostatic filter wet you have to replace it. Luckily I noticed the milk before it got that far along the tube. I drained the milk, took the tubes home, disassembled it, washed it out, and let it dry. It took a couple days hanging over a cabinet door to dry out, and you can still see a bit of milk inside the tubes, but you can also tell it hasn't gone any farther, so between that and this super space age filter, I'm confident to use the tubes again. If not I could just order more.

The pump works with my "made by moms" pumping band, which is convenient. Limerick sells something that will make it hands free too, works with a nursing bra. Also while I wouldn't recommend it, I have discovered quite by accident that the pump works without the little connectors between the tubing and the bottle tops - I just shoved the tubing onto the top connection and it worked, although was much harder to get on and off. The bottles are taller and narrower than Medela's or Hygeia's, making them more annoying to get clean, says hubby Matt. But they provide a handy little cleaning brush which he LOVES and I think more than won him over from the narrow bottles. The pump kit ships with a note explaining that no nipples are provided because of compliance with WHO guidelines - interesting - but they should work with standard nipples. The little backpack is cute, but if you're buying your pumps for fashion reasons, you are even more sleep deprived than I am. Also their instruction manual beats Hygeia's (not hard, that's the weakest part of that product), but it's hard to learn to express breast milk from any manual or book, no matter how well written.

So then we come to the price. This part is tricky. For a hospital grade pump, it's dirt cheap. Compared to pumps that most mamas consider for going back to the rent gig purposes, it's spendy. Limerick points out that if you are going to rent hospital grade for a couple months and then buy a pump to keep, you've more than paid for the PJ's Comfort, especially when you factor in the accessories. I think this is a good point. Further, since it's usable by more than one mama, you can sell it on eBay when you are done and reclaim part of the cost. I bought a new but open one on eBay (and threw out the tubing and filter just to be safe, and then boiled the other parts, just like you're supposed to anyway) for about $250. So used for a year it would probably fetch less, and the 3-year warranty (2 years longer than many other pumps) is not transferable. All that said, when you're pumping for a year, a couple hundred bucks to be much more comfortable is totally worth it. Plus you could go in with another mama and share it if you work together or are staggering your kids.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have bought this pump new instead of BOTH of my Hygeia EnJoyes and come out about the same in terms of dollars out. I don't know if my health insurance would have reimbursed me for this pump or not, they only work through specific suppliers but I don't remember any restrictions as to product. The PJ's is small and light enough that not having two and having to haul it back and forth to the office would be less annoying. And I think the fact that I bought a third pump in order to have one to keep speaks volumes as to my opinion of it (and the level of tolerance of my husband for my pump obsession, but that's a topic for another therapy session. I mean, blog post.)

Lastly, and this is immaterial to most mamas' decisions about which pump to get, but it matters to me - Patricia and Joan are a mother-daughter small business, they are both IBCLCs, and they are very plugged in to the breastfeeding research science scene. I think that's great. They also have a workplace lactation support program which I want to know more about, but if I have it my way, soon in order to be a hip and awesome employer, all companies will have to provide great support programs for lactating mamas.

By way of full disclosure, I can't tell you if their regular customer support is good because I had access to the ladies at the top, and they were very enthusiastic about making sure I was able to give the product a thorough review. I also seem to fall in love with every breastfeeding product I try these days (oooo! Shiny!). I switched back to my EnJoye after returning the trial PJ's Comfort, and some of what I had learned form the the latter enabled me to better mimic baby Jackie with the former and enjoy it better (Enjoy the EnJoye... okay that was too obvious, sorry). I even felt a little silly buying ANOTHER breastpump off eBay. But then when it showed up and I could use it again, I was so glad. While I was waiting for the tubing to dry out after my little spill, I missed it. So I think this is not just new shiny love but actually a lasting relationship. Until Jackie is over one year and I get to do just the fun nursing again.

I hope that is helpful and not so long as to have lost everyone. Definitely let me know your questions!

Much love,
Suzi.