Tuesday, November 20, 2012

I Have a Really Great Ass

Hello Beloved Readers!

So, there I am, chatting with my dear friend and co-worker, let's call her Mama K, on Jeans Friday at work. Part of my cushy office job includes casual Fridays. So we were talking about how neither of us has dedicated the time and energy to our casual wardrobe that we have (well, she has, and I'm working on it) to our work wardrobe. So she's criticizing the jeans she's wearing, and describes herself as having fat thighs.

My brain exploded.

This woman is GORGEOUS. She is slender but still has boobs and an ass. She has lovely eyes, nice skin and a beautiful smile. Her posture is excellent. She always looks put together. I could make a list of 20 men and probably half a dozen women who would be happy to drool over her at a moment's notice given the chance, without even trying. And she described herself as fat.

My heart broke. I immediately interrupted her and insisted that she was being absurd, and the next time she said that, I would be forced to smack her, which would get me fired, and I can't afford to lose my job. So she agreed, in the interest of my family's financial well-being, not to say that again. But I doubt I convinced her that she is gorgeous. Perhaps I should make the list and set appointments for each of these people to come describe what they like about her body. I haven't finished my sexual harassment prevention training yet, but I'm pretty sure I can't do that within the confines of our employer's policies.

This is what we do to ourselves, us women. Sometimes we're half-kidding, trying for self-deprecating humor or maybe fishing for a compliment. But even so, the little girl part of our brain hears "I have fat thighs"and believes it. And we go around with that hurt on our heart, second-guessing every bite of food or moment of not being on a treadmill, feeling bad, lazy, undeserving.

If someone does that to Jackie, I will rip them a new one. But more likely, Jackie will have to fight hard to learn NOT to do that to herself. And her best shot? Me. The best chance Jackie has to love her body, however her body turns out, is to witness me loving mine. I must be proud and confident. I must show her that I feel beautiful and sexy and strong and deserving. Even with cellulite on the back of my thighs. Even if I gain fifty pounds. Even if my hair is grey. Even if I can't take Parkour with her (I'm so going to take martial arts and Parkour with my kids if I can possibly get away with it). I must teach Jackie to love herself by loving myself. Starting right damn now.

So here goes.

I have a really cute ass, and a curvy little waist. I'm strong and adaptable. I have huge, beautiful eyes, and a huge, sparkling smile. I have a strong back and shoulders like a swimmer, and thighs like a yogi. I am beautiful and sexy and strong and deserving.

So are you. Tell me five things you love about your body. Right now. Out loud. And no mitigating statements - "I like my thighs." not "I like my thighs sometimes," or "I like my hair when it cooperates." Just "I have great hair." Say them out loud. See what that feels like. If it's hard, do it again. And again. Until it feels comfortable. Until you are convinced. And extra points for leaving them as a comment.

Believe it. Right now. This bullshit stops with us.

Much love,
Suzi

Friday, October 19, 2012

Old Friends

Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!

This week finds Suzi and team back in the old stomping grounds of suburban Maryland. When we locals say "suburban Maryland," we mean suburbs of DC, not Baltimore. I don't know why, it's a thing. But I'm in the area where I was born and raised and schooled (very well, thank you Montgomery County), staying with one of my longest-standing and dearest friends, RG. We started off costuming for the high school theatre group (I used up all my sewing interest for my lifetime). We sang together in choir. We cried over dumb boys together (don't we always pick the dumb ones for years before we figure it out and pick nice, smart partners [hopefully] for longer-term coupling?). I can tell her anything. And do.

So of course Robert puked on the floor this morning. I came up from changing Jackie to find Matt comforting Robert and Rachel cleaning up the fallout. Nothing like staying with other parents to minimize the horror of parenthood. This is after we had dinner at the house of some other dear friends, with an 18 month old girl, and we arrived with Jackie having blown out both ends of her diaper with some traveler's diarrhea. So we went straight to the changing table, stripped her clothes into a plastic bag, and I essentially gave her a sponge bath with baby wipes.

I remember going out to dinner with friends, trying fancy drinks, eating amazing food, going to movies, having book club discussions, staying up late into the night talking and laughing and having selfish, delicious fun. My life is so much richer now than before my kids. But when you're washing poop out of baby jeans and vomit out of preschooler t-shirts, sometimes one gets a little nostalgic.

Anyway today I am so, so grateful for my dear and wonderful friends. I hope you all are so richly blessed as I have been to have these amazing people in my life and my heart.

Much love,
Suzi

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Why Breasts Are Sexy

That ought to wake some folks up, yes?

I realize the people who really need this post aren't reading it. But maybe we can get this point out into the general population.

Breasts are sexy BECAUSE they are for feeding children.

As little mammals, programmed deep in our DNA to make copies of ourselves, we are often, indeed I might hazard to say mostly, attracted to features in mates which say "I will help you make lots of healthy copies of yourself." Curvy hips? Room for babies. Healthy skin, hair, strong muscles? Healthy parent, lots of good DNA. Strong muscles also says good provider, feed the babies. As do luscious breasts. Unfortunately we have divorced breasts from babies in our society, to the detriment of both. But when you make peace with their biological purpose, you can make room for the fact that breasts are for sexual pleasure AND nourishing offspring.

I am attracted to a lot more in my husband than all the delicious healthy baby advertising features which I will not describe on this blog (because he would feel shy, I think, but suffice to say he has them in spades). He's smart, he's kind, he's funny, he's interesting, he's handsome (wandering back towards healthy babies perhaps...) We are MORE than just mammals looking to make copies of ourselves. Obviously sex is for more than procreation. This is also evolutionary genius. Make it yummy, good for you, fun, and the little creatures will want to do it a lot. To make more babies. Not all of us want little copies of ourselves pooping on the furniture and crashing the minivan. But deep in our core, that drive is very, very strong.

So if a mama chooses not to breastfeed, or can't, am I saying her boobs aren't hot? This is such a ridiculous suggestion I hate to dignify it, but someone's going to ask. After a man has a vasectomy, is his penis less desirable? Are we done with that now? Okay thanks.

Last caveat. I can just hear someone saying this is a not gay-bi-trans-friendly post. I sincerely hope it does not come across that way. My heart is rainbow striped. Gay sex is obviously just as natural as straight sex, just ask the cute gay penguins, or George Takei. Perhaps one of our lovely lavender friends will leave a comment analyzing my point in the context of the wonderful variety of human sexuality. I am clearly not qualified to do so. I do know some pretty hot gay breastfeeding mamas though.

I love and celebrate you all.
Suzi

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I have never been so grateful to have to pump breastmilk in my life.

Dear readers,

I am very pleased to say that I survived my training day at our cooperative preschool. And so did all the kids, even. But I am totally wiped. I'm actually an introvert.

I'll wait for you to stop laughing.

Ready?  Okay. So, introverts are not necessarily shy. We can be quite outgoing. Evidence me. What we are, in fact, is people who rebuild our energy via solitude. Ahhh. So we get tired and overwhelmed and grumpy when we are around too many people for too long. I first started to realize this waaaaay later than ideal. See, it would be great if parents sniffed out what their children's flavor was on this scale and subsequently taught the kiddos how to take care of their own needs for solitude or company, but come on, which of us has time to Meyers Briggs the kids? We're trying to keep them fed and alive, here. Maybe even clean, on a good day. So by the time I started to noticed that I need quiet me time, preferably alone in my own home, every day, or I get grumpy, I was well into my 20's. Maybe even 30 something. I really clued in when I was on a company offsite, which had been designed as WE MUST ALL BE TOGETHER HAVING FUN ALL THE TIME BECAUSE WE ARE TEAM BUILDING!!!! Fail. I grumped off to my hotel room after lunch on day 2 and fell dead asleep. Then I worked out and then by dinner I was a nice person again. It was miraculous.

So, for someone like me, being one of five grownups in a group of 17 preschoolers for 4+ hours is even more freaking exhausting than it already is just by virtue of being one of five grownups in a group of 17 preschoolers. So by the time Snack rolled around and I closed myself into the Art Room to pump, I was so, so, so in need of that quiet break. I just breathed and sat and enjoyed the much closer to quiet environment. I was so sad to see the timer on my PJ hit 17 minutes (I probably only needed like 12 to pump). But I was refreshed enough to go play "Monsters Chase Mommy Suzi, Mommy Suzi Falls Down, Monsters Say They Will Eat Her and Bury Her in Woodchips." It was fun. It was a beautiful morning and I got to both run around and lie down. It was worth every wood chip I had to pick out of my hair and pants.

I think I'll send our preschool teachers chocolates. Like, every day. Forever.

Much love,
Suzi

PS - Hubby, Please, please please, don't get sick on our shift day...

Monday, September 17, 2012

High Finance, Drama, and Breastmilk!

Hello Dear Readers!

So, this morning, I had a very exciting work opportunity, to present to our decision making committee. It came about somewhat suddenly and I've been going mach 2 with my hair on fire getting ready for a couple weeks. This is a high profile assignment, and my first opportunity to speak to this committee since we merged with a larger company.

You can tell where I'm going with this, can't you? Well, in case y'all are anxious like me, let me spoil the ending - everything turns out okay.

So I get up nice and early (for once) to get to work nice and early (for once) while still leaving Hubby Matt the car to do some grocery shopping (thanks honey!) that I just didn't make happen this weekend. Technically that's my job, the way we've divided things up, but I finished my meal planning and list making this morning, and that's the part that he really doesn't want to do (and where I have the comparative advantage anyway, says EconoDork Mama Suzi). (Aren't you glad I spoiled the ending? I mean how much more annoying would my tangential babbling be if you were wondering if I sprung a leak in the middle of my presentation? Which I did not.) Anyway the material point of this paragraph is that I last nursed Jackie at like 5, 5:30 this morning.

As usual, our monthly Fancy Committee meeting ran long. Like longer than I anticipated. And I'm at the end of the agenda. And I usually nurse Jackie around 6:30 or 7. So I'm starting to worry... check time on phone, check agenda, try to surreptitiously check breasts for fullness, pretending that I'm just cold and crossing my arms.... write note on boss's papers next to me, "Got to take a mama break, back 20-25 minutes." He nods sympathetically, with a hopeful but perhaps slightly worried look... ZOOM! Walk briskly to that office! Set up that PJ's Comfort! Massage those breasts! Apply that coconut oil! Dial in to that conference call - MUTE IT FOR GOD's SAKE! Okay now... relax. FAST! No really, relax. Oh, okay. Deep breaths. Neck stretches. Listen to the fascinating asset allocation discussion... ahhh.... look out window at pretty view, think about cute baby... she's so cute, you know, and when I came out of the bathroom this morning she was peeking like a little prairie dog over the edge of the Pack-n-Play next to the bed... ARE WE DONE YET? No, of course not. More full from not nursing since 5:30. Argh. Relax.... still not on the second to last agenda item... now we are... but the girls are done! Okay, GO GO GO! Store that breastmilk (totally could have just left it on my desk and closed the door, but anyway). Button up that shirt. Grab materials. Dash to fridge, put milk away. Dash back to conference room. WAIT. deep breath. Look down. Shirt on? No weird drips or coconut oil? Okay, good. Composure. I am a calm, confident woman, and I know this presentation flat. Go in.

"Any other questions? Well then Suzanne, you're just in time." "Ah, fabulous. So, I'm sure you all looked at our pretty charts and graphs..." Deep breaths, speak slowly.

And our proposed product passes! WHEEE!

Seriously who needs to be a cat-suit clad international woman of mystery when you've got a financial calculator and a breastpump? And I firmly believe the universe is on the side of the mamas.

Much love,
Suzi

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Rally, Preschool, and CPR

Hello Dear Readers!

This weekend found me Single Momming it as I had sent my husband home to cheer up his parents and play IT support. Recall that colon cancer sucks. Gary is doing very well all things considered. But the suckage is undisputed. Well, I'm pleased to report that not only did I have the same number of kids at the end of the weekend as I did at the beginning of the weekend, and the house was still standing, but we actually had a nice time! I got an absurd quantity of laundry done (for some reason I'm really good at cranking through laundry), the dishes done, I made soup and chicken stock, Robert and I made cookies, we had friends over to dinner, and - sit down for this one - we went to a rally. The last thing remotely resembling a political demonstration which found me in attendance was in 1996. The environmental canvas I worked for took over a town counsel meeting. I forget why. We didn't want them to do something or other. But generally I don't like large group political demonstrations of any sort. I dislike crowds, and some idiot always starts chanting "eat kittens" or something else which is clearly nonsense but with which it is difficult to disassociate oneself if one is standing in the same large group of sign wavers.

So why go to this one? Ah, well, just one step removed from a Rally to Support Moms Pumping Breastmilk in the Workplace, this was about improving the birth experience for mamas and babies in this country. (Birth rally on Labor Day - get it? tee hee.) Recall my VBAC story. This gets me where I live, as it were. Actually come to think of it I have no idea what people mean when they say that - but this really matters to me. My heart said I have to put my day off where my heart is and show up. So we did. Me and Preschooler and Baby and some snacks and a stroller and the ergo carrier and purse and diaper bag... thank goodness it wasn't some huge, tightly packed crowd. Actually it was about the mellowest rally ever. Like a giant play date. With midwives and doulas and other radical wacky folk like that. It was awesome. I met interesting mamas working to help mamas and babies, many of them as an avocation and passion like me. We didn't even get a sunburn.

Fast forward three days. We went to our lovely co-op preschool for a sort of dress-rehearsal half day today. Have I mentioned how much I love my nice quiet office, with a door, and a computer, and assignments that make it totally legit to sit still and ignore all humans for minutes on end? I was totally overstimulated the minute I walked in the door. And at that point only three preschoolers were there, and one of them was mine. This bodes ill for me doing any co-op shifts this year. Mostly of course that will be my SAHD hubby's job, but I will be on call in case he is ill or something. Eek. So I took Jackie downstairs to the young toddlers room for a bit. Surely that will be more mellow, right? Sure, until she chokes on watermelon. Another mama complimented me on how calmly I handled it, just getting up from the table, carrying Jackie a few feet away, and beginning my Red Cross rescue for choking infant maneuvers, just as I was so well trained by that fine and important organization. Poor kiddo really had a chunk lodged in there. And now I'm convinced all the other parents think I'm a horrible, negligent mother who nearly kills her daughter on a regular basis.

Sigh.

I'm a really good investment advisor... Seriously I've never killed a single client.

Much love,
Suzi

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Cleverness, Cuteness, and Then Not So Much

Hello Dear Readers!

I'm feeling terribly clever at the moment. I noticed a spot of Something Suspicious in one of the more complicated, labyrinthine parts of my PJ's Comfort just now, at work. Couldn't get it all the way out with a straightened paperclip, even under hot running water. So I just nuked it in a mug of water for a couple minutes. Whatever it is, now it's sterile!

Also, I must share that Jackie is really adorable searching for a boob in bed with her eyes closed and her tongue out. "aaaaahhh?"

Lastly, I want to express how frustrated, frightened, and angry I feel watching our legislators, supposedly educated men, trivialize and misunderstand rape and resultant pregnancies. Lots of folks rightly point out that when our legislative body is overwhelmingly composed of one sub-set of the population (crusty old white guys), you get skewed policy. I want for my daughter a world where a bunch of crusty old white guys would still understand how human reproduction works and that rape is rape is rape, is horrible, is much too common, and is not the victim's fault or responsibility. Ever. Why aren't we there yet? Totally unacceptible.

Much love,
Suzi

PS - this post is another great example of the constantly conflicting impulses in my brain, like the previous post points out, leading to the crazy. Or at least the stressed and anxious.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

World Breastfeeding Week, and Why I Am Crazy

Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!

I hope you had a lovely World Breastfeeding Week. I celebrated by attending the Big Latch On with nursling Jackie and two of my favorite boobjuicers. But here we are back in the work week, and love my job though I do, I'm in a bit of a funk today. Part of it is a sort of "Oh my gosh my husband turned forty, does that mean *I* am close to forty?" (yes, it does) existential angst that hit me in April when my husband turned (you guessed it) forty. (He is as handsome as ever, that stinker, while I have developed a very expensive hair dye habit.) My brain keeps trying to figure out how I can do the CFP program, become an IBCLC, write two books, start a rock band, open a mama/baby boutique and class space, become a Portland-style bicycling badass, and study Aikido all at once. There may be a bit of a hitch with this plan.

But this morning as it came time to get the PJ working again, it hit me. The trouble with breastfeeding is you can't take a day off. I mean, sure, you could. If you want the kid to go hungry, or you want to pump all day instead (yuk), or you want to wean in the most abrupt way possible. So yeah, you essentially can't take a day off. How many jobs can you never take a day off? Even motherhood you can get a break from, maybe not literally in that you are still a mom, but you can hand the kids to your partner/sister/parents/babysitter and go hide at a day spa or even just a coffee shop for a day. But not when you're nursing.

You all know I love nursing my little Jackie, and loved nursing Robert, and cried when he declared he was done. You have probably noticed or guessed that I'm all conflicted that after Jackie we are most likely done and thus when she says no more I am done breastfeeding. So of course, like everything else in motherhood, wanting a day off of nursing is wrought with conflicting emotions. I'm tired. I am sick of pumping three times a day. I'm sure my husband is tired of all the rigmarole of making bottles and prepping donor milk and washing pump parts. But I love nursing Jackie, and I don't want to stop any time soon. It's so cuddly, and it's a bond like no other between two humans that I have known, and she's so cute and sweet, and I love all the good it does both of our bodies.

This is why the mamas are all crazy. Think about it - everyone thinks their mom is crazy. Or most everyone, it seems. Well, maybe she is. Maybe she has spent decades having her brain pulled in opposite directions. "Yes, thank you, I need a break. Wait, I miss him!" "Oh, I'm so proud of you - wait! You're growing up so fast!" "Oh thank god, no more diapers - AAAaa! I'm all out of babies!" Of course she's crazy. You would be too.

Maybe now that I've gotten that written out, I'll be able to concentrate. Chuckle. Yeah, right.

Much love,
Suzi

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Product Review: PJ's Comfort Pump

Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!

At long last, the review of the PJ's Comfort pump by Limerick. You may recall I was totally wanting to review this pump but not wanting to shell out the cash to buy one given that I have two other pumps and am 2/3 done with my pumping year (more than that at this point). So I called Limerick and pointed out my Hygeia EnJoye review, and suggested, wouldn't they like me to review their pump too, for my wonderful readers? So they deliberated, and then had a pump sent to the Nursing Mothers Counsel of Oregon for a two month trial. Awesome! So not only did I get to try it out for two weeks, but some other mamas who are peer counselors will also get to try it.

So this is going to have to be a longer write up, because this pump is so different from most pumps with which most mamas are familiar, that it takes a lot of explaining. But by way of an executive summary, after returning the trial pump to NMC, I bought a used one on eBay. So that should let you know what I thought. I mean, yes, I'm a pump happy fool, but you don't see me buying extra Medelas just to have handy for fun.

The PJ is a hospital-grade pump which can be used by multiple mamas who each have their own accessory kit. The kit includes a "bacteriostatic" filter, which protects the pump mechanism from germies, and is tested to some tiny particle size like it's so small if something that size is going to hurt you, you were toast anyway, in diameter. In this respect it is similar to the Hygeia EnJoye, although the latter is not hospital grade. Well what is hospital grade? Good question. In a remarkable coincidence, the NMC education meeting last month was all about pumps and pumping. One of the peer counselors went through some specs on different pumps, hospital and retail, and what suction and cycles they offered. I think the chief difference is that most manufacturers who offer both types make the hospital grade ones stronger. They also say the hospital grade ones are built to last longer, but anecdotal evidence suggests that they may be less differentiated than companies might like us to believe. And lastly, hospital grade pumps appear to always be usable by more than one mama, each with her own personal accessory kit.

I used a Medela hospital grade pump for a while with Robert - first in the hospital and then as a rental. I don't remember the name of the model but it's the older of the two still on the market, and it's a large scary looking blue thing. It has a kit which includes a plunger thingee (which you can use as a hand pump! I learned that at the NMC educational meeting) and otherwise is sort of indistinguishable from the Pump In Style, in terms of user experience. I do think it goes up to a higher level of suction, but I couldn't tolerate the highest level of suction on the Pump In Style, so that was sort of moot for me. I hated this pump, although to be fair, the nurse who showed me how to use it turned it up to highest suction while I was using both hands to hold the pump accessories to my breasts and couldn't defend myself. I was saying "OW! OW!" and she took longer than was merciful to get the point and turn it back down. I didn't particularly like that nurse, you may have notice. None of which is Medela's fault. AND, that was February 2009 and they have a newer hospital grade pump on the market which could be nicer for the user, I don't know. But I think it's fair to say that it's very similar to using a Pump In Style. Medela is welcome to send me a pump to try if they would like to dispute that statement. And then the Hygeia EnJoye, while an improvement over the Pump In Style in several ways which I detailed in my review of that product, is also very similar in that you put a hard plastic cone thingee on your breast and it push/pulls on your nipple to get the milk out.

The PJ Comfort uses soft silicone breast flanges and does not have the same push/pull action. It actually has a compression aspect to it, as well as suction, which is designed to mimic how a baby actually nurses. It's a little hard to explain, but Limerick has some great videos on their website demonstrating how it works. But when I first started using it, between the unfamiliar mechanism and the fact that the braces that hold the silicone flanges on sort of block the view of the nipple moving, I thought it wasn't doing anything. So then it didn't make any sense to me that I was getting milk out of it. I was working closely with Patricia and Joan (P&J, get it?) via email and phone, and apparently I'm not the only mama who was sort of like, "I don't get why it works." We have it in our heads that if our nipples aren't being stretched like taffy and it doesn't hurt, nothing is happening. Which means we are probably all using our conventional push/pull breastpumps incorrectly, but it also means we are amazed when we try this PJ one.

It takes a little practice to get used to the pump (true of any pump) especially if you are used to adjusting the settings on the EnJoye or the Pump In Style. The way to use the PJ is to turn both the suction and the cycle to "start". This puts low suction, fast cycle action into play. It sort of tickles, like when you latch on the baby and baby instictively flutter sucks to get a let down. So you leave it that way for a minute and then turn up suction to the most that is still comfortable. Higher suction means the fastest cycle is slower. This part took some getting used to - at first I was turning both knobs, but P and J instructed me that the cycle adjustment is more for fine-tuning and the suction adjustment is where most of the action is. Once I tried it this way I got better results - more milk in less time.

So the first thing I noticed is that this thing is WAAAAAY more comfortable. The silicone sticks to my skin, so I definitely want the coconut oil, which then fuses itself to the silicone permanently. Seriously I've even re-boiled these flanges and got about half the coconut oil off. So if you are skeeved out by that and want to use oil, you might not like it. But I figure, coconut oil is anti-microbial, I can boil them periodically to re-sterilize them, and I'm okay with it. And again, way more comfortable than my other breastpumps. After 10-15 minutes it becomes less comfortable - I think what's happening is when the milk is done some of the suction is being transferred to the skin instead (you know how when you latch the baby on in the middle of the night in the dark and you miss the nipple it hurts like heck and then you have a boob hickey?). But I have also noticed that there is no particular benefit to letting it run more than a moment after the milk is all done. So if I get to this discomfort point, what it really means is I stopped paying attention to the pumping and was busy typing product reviews on my blog. Oh, hang on a sec.

Another nice thing about the PJ is that, because it has both compression and suction, you don't have to do the compressions yourself to get the most out of the pump. Suzi what are you talking about? Well, as the fine folks at Stanford have taught us, you need to do compression and/or hand expression along with pumping when you use a push/pull pump, or you get less milk and in particular less of the nice filling fatty milk than you can get by using your hands (and, of course, than baby gets when nursing). So I have been doing this since early Robert pumping days. But when I did it with my PJ's pump, nothing much happened. I asked about that, and P and J confirmed that it's because the pump itself is providing the compression action. So this explains why another mama I know said she got twice as much milk with her PJ's Comfort as with any other pump - I think she wasn't doing hands-on pumping. Because I always do hands-on pumping, I didn't notice much of a volume output difference between the pumps, maybe slightly more with the PJ, but it sure is more convenient to be able to type for the whole time I'm pumping rather than having to stop and do hand compression halfway through.

There are some other nice features about the PJ's Comfort pump, too. One, it's tiny and light. Again, how the heck is this tiny little thing accomplishing this more effective pumping? Well I don't have to understand it to appreciate it, luckily. Two, it's much quieter than other pumps. As I have said before, I don't really care, because I have my own office with a door to close, but we aren't all so lucky, and besides it's nice not to have tired ears in addition to tired breasts (and tired everything else, after all we are mamas!) Three, it's got a clever little timer thing that shows you how long you have been pumping, which saves me fiddling with my iPhone. I was surprised by how useful I found this - I figured it was a silly feature, I mean who doesn't have a timer or computer or something nearby, but really anything that simplifies the cumbersome process of collecting milk for our littles while working in the salt mines is a bonus. Four, the tubes are long. They aren't as flexible as the tubing for the EnJoye, but more so than my old Pump In Style. I like this because if I lean over to grab something I don't yank the flange off my breast. Maybe you mamas are less forgetful/clumsy than I am, but to me having short tubes made me feel even more like a Holstein hooked up to a milking factory.  The tubes are also wider in diameter, which is good because I got milk in one. If you get the bacteriostatic filter wet you have to replace it. Luckily I noticed the milk before it got that far along the tube. I drained the milk, took the tubes home, disassembled it, washed it out, and let it dry. It took a couple days hanging over a cabinet door to dry out, and you can still see a bit of milk inside the tubes, but you can also tell it hasn't gone any farther, so between that and this super space age filter, I'm confident to use the tubes again. If not I could just order more.

The pump works with my "made by moms" pumping band, which is convenient. Limerick sells something that will make it hands free too, works with a nursing bra. Also while I wouldn't recommend it, I have discovered quite by accident that the pump works without the little connectors between the tubing and the bottle tops - I just shoved the tubing onto the top connection and it worked, although was much harder to get on and off. The bottles are taller and narrower than Medela's or Hygeia's, making them more annoying to get clean, says hubby Matt. But they provide a handy little cleaning brush which he LOVES and I think more than won him over from the narrow bottles. The pump kit ships with a note explaining that no nipples are provided because of compliance with WHO guidelines - interesting - but they should work with standard nipples. The little backpack is cute, but if you're buying your pumps for fashion reasons, you are even more sleep deprived than I am. Also their instruction manual beats Hygeia's (not hard, that's the weakest part of that product), but it's hard to learn to express breast milk from any manual or book, no matter how well written.

So then we come to the price. This part is tricky. For a hospital grade pump, it's dirt cheap. Compared to pumps that most mamas consider for going back to the rent gig purposes, it's spendy. Limerick points out that if you are going to rent hospital grade for a couple months and then buy a pump to keep, you've more than paid for the PJ's Comfort, especially when you factor in the accessories. I think this is a good point. Further, since it's usable by more than one mama, you can sell it on eBay when you are done and reclaim part of the cost. I bought a new but open one on eBay (and threw out the tubing and filter just to be safe, and then boiled the other parts, just like you're supposed to anyway) for about $250. So used for a year it would probably fetch less, and the 3-year warranty (2 years longer than many other pumps) is not transferable. All that said, when you're pumping for a year, a couple hundred bucks to be much more comfortable is totally worth it. Plus you could go in with another mama and share it if you work together or are staggering your kids.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have bought this pump new instead of BOTH of my Hygeia EnJoyes and come out about the same in terms of dollars out. I don't know if my health insurance would have reimbursed me for this pump or not, they only work through specific suppliers but I don't remember any restrictions as to product. The PJ's is small and light enough that not having two and having to haul it back and forth to the office would be less annoying. And I think the fact that I bought a third pump in order to have one to keep speaks volumes as to my opinion of it (and the level of tolerance of my husband for my pump obsession, but that's a topic for another therapy session. I mean, blog post.)

Lastly, and this is immaterial to most mamas' decisions about which pump to get, but it matters to me - Patricia and Joan are a mother-daughter small business, they are both IBCLCs, and they are very plugged in to the breastfeeding research science scene. I think that's great. They also have a workplace lactation support program which I want to know more about, but if I have it my way, soon in order to be a hip and awesome employer, all companies will have to provide great support programs for lactating mamas.

By way of full disclosure, I can't tell you if their regular customer support is good because I had access to the ladies at the top, and they were very enthusiastic about making sure I was able to give the product a thorough review. I also seem to fall in love with every breastfeeding product I try these days (oooo! Shiny!). I switched back to my EnJoye after returning the trial PJ's Comfort, and some of what I had learned form the the latter enabled me to better mimic baby Jackie with the former and enjoy it better (Enjoy the EnJoye... okay that was too obvious, sorry). I even felt a little silly buying ANOTHER breastpump off eBay. But then when it showed up and I could use it again, I was so glad. While I was waiting for the tubing to dry out after my little spill, I missed it. So I think this is not just new shiny love but actually a lasting relationship. Until Jackie is over one year and I get to do just the fun nursing again.

I hope that is helpful and not so long as to have lost everyone. Definitely let me know your questions!

Much love,
Suzi.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Beach!

Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!

Greetings from the lovely Oregon coast. So, here's how much of an evil little twerp is post-partum anxiety. This is our last night at the beach on what has been a fantastic vacation. So I walked the, what, fifty yards? to the ocean from our rented beach house, to say goodbye to the ocean. And was able to stand there for maybe a minute before horrible visions of a tsunami drowning my baby sent me back to the house. Sigh. I tried taking a deep breath, shaking my head, looking back at the house and then back towards the ocean. Wound up just watching for two more waves to make sure the water really wasn't rising and then giving up.

I finally decided to go on sertraline (Zoloft) a few weeks ago. I had been trying to avoid it on the theory that I wanted to expose my little nursling to as little as possible in terms of chemicals in my breastmilk. But after one night too many of crying uncontrollably for no reason I could discern, I decided she's better off with a sane mother than with slightly more pristine breastmilk. Man, I wish I'd come to that conclusion about eight months ago. Sigh. But anyway, I'm feeling much improved, even with tsunami flashes, and after much research am comfortable that Jackie will not be harmed.

And meanwhile, I have discovered the secret to a relaxing vacation with little littles. Extra grownups. We are on vacation with my sister and her husband (two of my favorite people in the whole wide world, also, and lots of fun). Outnumbering the kids two to one is sheer genius. Matt and I didn't manage to have a date (we officially suck at that by the way) but I got lots of sleep. No, really. Jackie and I had like a three hour nursey nap yesterday, and later that day I realized I didn't feel tired. For pretty much the first time I can recall since parenthood. Ahhh.

I brought my breastpump, too. I thought I might be able to sneak in a session a day or so. Well, not so much. I could have if I was willing to do one side while Jackie nursed the other, which is a perfectly reasonable strategy, or pump after she nursed. Some mamas get milk that way, I usually don't. But between all the nursing, sleeping, and s'mores and whatnot, I just didn't make it happen. Who is surprised? Sorry about that.

So presently I'm sitting in the upstairs loft area, listening to Jackie squawk and Robert insist that he needs help getting out of something which Cathy says he can get out of himself. I don't think I want to know.

Much love,
Suzi

Sunday, June 17, 2012

On the Road

Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!

Happy Father's Day! Fathers are important. I miss my dad. I have no idea what he would have thought of this blog. He probably would have been proud and embarrassed all at once. He was a chemist, and I'm sure with all the research I could have thrown at him, would have respected my breastfeeding and child led weaning. But the idea of his daughter talking about boobs all the time might have challenged his notions of proper conversation. I know he would have loved the house we just bought. We're in a quiet neighborhood, surrounded by trees and hills and kids and pregnant ladies. It's perfect for us. He would have enjoyed sitting on the back deck with a cup of tea or a glass of wine, watching the "traffic" go by. We joke that it's rush hour when two dogs go by at once. And he would have gotten a huge kick out of Matt's fancy stereo, which is linked up to the computer, or maybe a couple of computers, I can't keep track. There's an "Apple TV" involved and I haven't had my orientation training yet. But Dad was a sterophile, and also totally cutting edge on the computer front. We had a TRS-80 at home. Yep. If you don't need to Google that you are a geek.

My business trip was a rousing success! I brought a little hand pump (it's an Avent, sort of hard to find so I wonder if they're not making many of them anymore?) because of the horror stories I had heard about business trips with pumps breaking. I booked the trip to be as brief as possible, not quite doing the math about the part where that meant I would get 3.5 hours of sleep. But then that saved me from getting up in the middle of the night to pump. I talked to the flight attendants and my seat mates about pumping on the plane, and my meeting hosts found some spots in their offices for me to pump. I don't tweet so I posted to Facebook as I went. Here's how it went:


I don't tweet so I'm going to play by play my business trip on this post. To start I'm at PDX, pumping in an internet kiosk. Only other person in the "service center" is a female employee on break eating a snack. Next challenge will be pumping on the plane. Goal is no bathrooms.

On plane to Salt Lake City. Had seat next to middle-aged man. Switched seats and got a mother of six who natural birthed and breastfed all of 'em. Used hand pump during descent.

Smaller plane for Kansas City. Fancy hat lady next to me. We'll see. Loving the hand pump though. Smaller, easier to be discreet.

Hat lady was great. Told her the deal and she said, "You sat next to the right person!" even though she doesn't have kids. Now FB friends with the mom of six.

In my hotel room with Beulah, pumping before bed. I have to get up in four hours. Groan.

So after a cozy 3.5 hours of sleep (downside of the "fast as possible" trip plan) I woke up fairly full, which surprised me. Ran downstairs to get breakfast and the freezer inserts for my coolers, which Nice Front Desk Man stuck in their freezer for me since my cute little 1ft^3 fridge has no freezer cubby. Ate while pumping. (In my room. That didn't seem terribly clear.) Still pumping.

Due to meetings will have to go about three hours from end of this session to start of next one. Have hearty pumping bra and breast pads... Although come to think of it that's rather like a normal business day... Also, just pumped for 53 minutes. Phew. Okay, quick shower and toss all my stuff back together!

Meeting one. Then pumped in "wellness room," converted phone cubby. Lovely, on par with the rest of this swanky manager's fancy office. Meeting two. Tried to put me in the bathroom. Pointed out, gently, that it's food, you wouldn't make a sandwich in there. "I hadn't thought of that." After declining one office with a glass door and no blinds, I'm in a file room that's long and narrow enough that I can't be seen from the door. Which doesn't lock but I pushed a heavy box against it.

I am noticing that I'm more full and have a sore spot in the right breast. I'm glad I don't have to do this often.

Seated on flight to Seattle. Pumping w electric pump at my seat while they load the plane. I got the window in the last row, which is perfect, and asked the flight attendant, and pumped before the door closed. Now I can just sit!

Pumped again of flight because uncomfortable. Lost suction, thought battery was done, got all disassembled, realized a valve had fallen out. Sigh. But had pumped a decent amount. Still have hand pump clean for next flight if I get uncomfortable.

Almost home!!!

Standing by for half hour earlier flight to Portland... Cross fingers!

Got the earlier flight!

She's conked out. I made Matt come far me and Erick babysit and I don't even get to nurse until I get home. I could have expensed a cab. Sigh.

Home! Nursing! We made it!!!

Oof. Nursed ouchier side first while hand pumping the other. Now on second side. My little nursing champ did a great job on the first side.


----

Hope that's useful for someone!

Much love,
Suzi

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Career Advice; Shipping Liquid Gold

Hello Dear Boobjuicers and Friends!

So, when you were in the career advice office of whatever school you most recently attended, getting advice on your resume and identifying possible future employers, remember how the counselor told you, "Now, young hopeful, be sure, when your organization merges with a large bank, to talk to your new c-level executives at the closing celebration about your cheeky breastfeeding blog. That will surely advance your career interests most effectively."

No? Huh. Well, this guy is either the most gracious person in the world or genuinely interested, because we had a lovely conversation about it, and he pointed out the presence of a neat breastfeeding calendar which I must acquire.

So on to more immediately practical topics. Shipping breastmilk. There are several sites out there explaining methods of doing it - kellymom.com and eats on feets, for starters. Most of these suggest using dry ice. I don't know about you but I am too busy (lazy?) to go find dry ice to ship milk around. I used a cold shipping storage box I found on Amazon (was made by RNC Industries - they recommend their 12x12x12 box) and bought extra cold packs. These are just those gel packs you freeze yourself and much like you find in a picnic cooler. I found the best packing method was two gel packs on the bottom, one on each side, and two on top. We put the frozen breastmilk (in the storage bags sold by Lansinoh in this case) by the half dozen or dozen into larger ZipLoc freezer bags (this is important in case one of them has a leak in it) and put the freezer bags into the box inside the frozen gel packs. If they don't fill up the storage space, put the top gel packs on top and then use bubble wrap or something to fill up the rest of the space inside the insulating liner of the box. Tape it up but good! I used FedEx Standard Overnight, that delivers at 10:30 in the morning and this worked like a charm. It's not cheap but this is liquid gold we're talking about here. Also check if you can use your employer's account and reimburse them - they might get a better deal. (Someone pointed this out to me after I did this three times. Ah well).

My sister in law shipped her stash this way for part and let UPS pack the other half, moving house from NY to MI. The friend on the other end who received the goods for her said the box she packed by my method was still frozen solid and the UPS box was thawed, but still refrigerator cold. I asked her to find out how UPS packed that box but no word back yet. So again, I'm not an IBCLC or a FedEx employee or anything fancy like that, so follow my advice at your own discretion. But it worked for us.

Hopefully that is useful to some of you! Let me know if you try it and how it works for you.

Much love,
Suzi

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Flying the Boobjuice Friendly Skies?

Hello dear Boobjuicers and Friends!

First and most importantly I hope every one of you had a lovely Mother's Day, or caused one to be had by your favorite moms. If not, I say fair to declare a do-over!

Secondly allow me to provide the recent Time magazine cover all the attention that it is due. Okay, done now.

And thirdly, help me out folks. I have a business trip in June, which I am planning to take by myself, just me and Sukie the Breastpump, so being away from nursling Jackie for about 30 hours. I'm totally wigged. I mean, I have had dreams about it, I've woken suddenly from half naps worrying about it, it's chasing me around. This seems ridiculous. The mamas at my work who serve in the client-facing capacity all had to travel right when they got back from leave. (And so far most of them have told me some horror story where the pump breaks overseas and they're miserable. Can we get a holla for hand expression? At which I am still totally incompetent, by the way?) There's currently plenty of milk on the freezer (more on that later but no I have not found the miracle to increasing supply although I did get a marginal bump for a couple hours out of asparagus.) Matt can take care of two kiddos at once. It's 30 hours. It should be fine.

I totally want to take her with me. I'm ready to chuck my "always buy them a ticket and strap them into the seat" rule out the emergency exit, carry her in my lap, drop a couple hundred on local child care through an agency, and give up on the idea that as the breadwinning boobjuicing blogger I should really set an example of how doable this is and do it myself. I don't want to. What if my pump breaks? What if pumping on the plane is totally miserable, the other passengers harass me, the flight attendants try to prevent it, or the battery runs out? What if a tornado strands me in Kansas (yes I'm going to Kansas and yes I've covered the Dorothy and Toto comments quite thoroughly thanks though) for an extra day? What if my heart crumbles from missing her too much? What if I'm too dramatic and my business acquaintances have me committed? I could lose my supply in the length of time it takes me to explain to the mental health workers that I'm really not crazy and just need to be put on the next flight to Portland please. What if I do take her with me and the child care person shows up drunk, and I can't go to the meeting? What if the child care person steals her and I never see her again?

Can we all just take a moment and marvel at how patient and sweet my husband is now that you have a clearer idea what he is dealing with? Although come to think of it all you people know is that he's still around. Well, I can hear him now, saying "COME BACK TO US! You have gone to The Bad Place! You must chill! I have hidden! your Firebird! keys!!!"

Anyway back to the trip. Anyone who wants to give Matt a hand talking me off this ledge please proceed. I'm at a bit of a loss.

Much love,
Suzi

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Sukie and Bessie Throw Down

Hello gentle readers!

Hm, I can't quite pull that off like Ms. Manners could.

So lately the question of pump comparison keeps coming up. Many of you will recall that with Robert, I had Bessie, a Medela (which the lady on their help like pronounced meh-DEE-la, not me-DELL-uh) Pump In Style, and now I am using Sukie and Beulah, twin Hygeia EnJoyes. I will give a quick review, as best I can from my memory of Bessie, who is out to pasture, below. I would dearly love to have a new Pump In Style, a Lansinoh pump, and the PJ Comfort pump to compare properly. I have some ideas for how to go about effecting this experiment without slapping down a cool grand for pumps, but I'm open to suggestions. (Any of my readers work for these fine companies and want to send me one? I promise to donate the extras [as permissible by type of pump] when I'm done!)

So. My primary reasons for selecting the Hygeia were (1) it is a closed system, with the pump itself being shielded from any moisture or breast milk by a bacteriostatic filter, and (2) of pumps that can make that claim, it is the one sold by my dear sisters in lactogeekdom at the Nursing Mothers' Counsel of Oregon. So their endorsement and familiarity, and willingness to bring me one, was a non-trivial factor. I have, in previous posts, gone into rather unsavory detail on what can happen to a not-closed system and why one really should not pass along the Pump In Style to other mamas, which I know happens all the time. But suffice to say, with my battle with yeast in recent memory, I wasn't interested in risking it by reusing Bessie. (I intend to dissect her and make a video but I've been a tad busy lately...)

Overall I am quite satisfied with Sukie and Beulah, and I would happily recommend them to another mama. I like a lot of things about the EnJoye, and other things I think want improvement. The most important question is, am I getting as much milk? I think I am, but this is the specific question I would be better able to answer if I had several pumps to compare. That said, as compared to my memory with Bessie when Robert was a nurseling, I am getting at least as much milk with Sukie and Beulah.

They work about the same, and if you are familiar with one you will have no trouble using the other. The EnJoye has a continuously variable speed setting, which I like. I remember the Medela starting at speed A and then slowing down to speed B, and that while you could toggle it back and forth, you couldn't set A or B or tell it to stay on A indefinitely. I think the variable speed is a help for trying to get the pump to mimic the baby as closely as possible (although neither of them are very cuddly).

The version I purchased has an internal rechargeable battery, which is appealing to my little treehugging heart as compared to a brick o AA's, for travel. That said, I'm still experimenting with this but the two pumps seem to differ quite a bit in how quickly they wimp out when run just on battery power. I think it has less to do with the batteries and more to do with how they are used - Sukie goes three or four times a day at work, and sits plugged in between sessions. Beulah sits at home not plugged in, and I usually run her plugged in but that's just for half an hour or so. So I think Beulah's battery is never getting a full charge. So periodically I leave her plugged in to charge overnight or for a full 24 hours. I should probably switch who is home and who is at work, too, and see if that makes a difference. But all that said, I'm not entirely comfortable assuring mamas that you could rely on that battery for more than a couple rounds between charging. So a really long plane trip (like the one I've got scheduled in June, gulp) could be a problem. But I don't know yet, it could be fine. How's that for non-specific? One cool thing though is I have used it while carrying it over my shoulder in its bag and walked around the kitchen to make breakfast for my son. Multitasking mama!

The EnJoye is pretty loud. Now, I don't care. I think you want the pump that is the most comfortable and helps you produce the most milk. And further, since it's not built into its bag (another advantage, in my opinion), we don't really know if it's louder or just less muffled. One can perfectly well set it up, turn it on, and gently put it back in its bag, which muffles it quite a bit. I have also tossed a fleece blanket over it in my office so I could pick up the phone without turning it off. That might not be the greatest thing for the motor, but so far no major problems. But if you are pumping in a cubical in a male filled office (which you shouldn't have to, by law, but I understand we aren't all there yet) then this might matter to you.

A minor thing which I really like is that the tubes connecting the boob apparatus to the pump are longer and softer/more flexible, so if you are pumping and reach for your tea or to pick up something you dropped, you are less likely to yank the shield off your breast or the pump off the table. I also feel a little less like cattle when I am slightly less "tethered."

The shields feel about how I remember the Medela shields feeling, and in fact I'm told they are interchangeable, although I'm skeptical, because they are a little different. The Medela shields come apart from the elbow joint that connects them to the bottle. The Hygeia ones do not. This is probably for some very sensible reason, but I find it annoying because it makes them harder to clean. But that is more than made up for by the valves. The Hygeia valves are one piece, a little white soft plastic thing that looks kind of like the end of a lipstick. No tiny flappy thing that can slip out of place or get lost in the dish water. HUGE improvement.

Since the Medela is by far the most popular pump, it has the advantage of convenience - if your kid flushes all your valves and you have to run out at 9 pm to replace them, you know you can get the Medela parts at Target, BabyRUs, etc. Hygeia isn't quite there yet. I'm told, though, that they're super about sending you a loaner pump if yours has to be sent in to be repaired, and the times I have called them for support they have been friendly and helpful.

That's what I can think of to comment on right now, but please fire questions at me, I'm sure I forgot something. And if you work for Consumer Reports and want to do a thorough study, by all means do holler.

Much love,
Suzi

Friday, April 20, 2012

Lactogeek Experiment

Good Morning beloved Boobjuicers and friends!

Man this pump is loud. Not that it matters, alone in my dining room in our new house (Eeep! A house! Wow!). Is your pump loud? Does it bother you? Have you ever tried a different brand? Longer-suffering readers, oops, I mean, long-time subscribers will recall I had a Medela Pump In Style for Kid 1, and am now slinging not one but two Hygeia EnJoyes, thank you health insurance for the second one. (So before anyone gets jealous, I paid for one out of pocket. I have good insurance, not miracle insurance.) I have my likes and dislikes about it, but it's hard to really compare because Bessie the Medela has been put out to pasture, and so we're comparing now with three years ago. To really compare these things well, I would have one of each, bought around the same time, and compare them alternately and write about it. And just to be really thorough, I would get the other major brands too.

So, obviously my good but not miraculous insurance isn't going to pay for that. Lactogeek though I am, I'm not in a position to go buy a Medela, an Ameda, and the PJ Comfort (anyone used that? What did you think?) as an experiment. But I think it would be useful, for a lot of us, if someone had done such a study. So of course I thought of Consumer Reports (been hitting them a lot recently - washer, dryer, car... no one can say we are not doing our bit to stimulate the economy. Hence the unwillingness to fund my own experiment...) They have a decent article on their site which I am still working through. I bet I might also have some luck with a mommy magazine. Which ones are your favorites? Which ones do you regard as most informative and well researched? And of course, the logical question - do any of you work for one of these fine organizations?

Remember my husband is a film maker! If we can figure out a way to make a movie about this without getting me fired for plastering the ladies all over teh interwebs, we could do a good, good thing!

Let's get this experiment funded ladies!!! Send me your ideas!

More soon about the house, the milk maximizing pumping ideas, and how mama friends are my sheros and have rescued me and Jackie.

Much love,
Suzi

Monday, March 26, 2012

Random Thoughts of a Monday Morning

The sun is streaming through my office window. (Yes, really. Yes, same office, in Portland. No, I'm not dreaming. I know because I'm pumping. Yes, with the sun streaming in the window. It's reflective glass.)

There's enough breastmilk in the fridge at home for Jackie for the whole day, so I can just sit here and work (and blog) and pump and concentrate and not run home in the middle of the day or get all over-planny about when to pump versus when Jackie is going to be hungry that is closest to a reasonable lunch time.

I got three ounces this morning - new trick is get up, as soon as possible pump 15 minutes, then stop, fix breakfast, do something else (yoga? Prep a chicken for roasting? Trader Joe's has local all-natural chickens for cheap - works out to like $7 per chicken. That's dinner. Yum.) then pump again for 15-20 minutes. Usually works out that I get significantly more on the second round, but if not it's also usually pretty obvious that it's not going to happen and I can move on to the shower.

We had chocolate croissants for breakfast (also courtesy of Trader Joe), which were yummy.

Matt took the kiddos to the dentist (presumably they won't demand much of Jackie since she's 6 months old). Robert is convinced that our dentist is going to break a window with a stick and has been saying so for months. I'm excited to hear if he asked Dr. P. about it - should be entertaining.

We're buying a house - we move in 23 days. Not that anyone is counting.

I have a beautiful, happy family and awesome, wonderful friends.

I have a lot to be grateful for today. I will try to be present in today, rather than worrying about tomorrow. (Ooo - sun went behind a cloud JUST as I typed that! Spooky!!!)

(Okay now it's back.)

Much love,
Suzi

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Plugging along...

As in this freaking duct is plugged AGAIN. It's like a weekly thing. Same spot. Same visible plug on nipple. Same stream of profanities issuing from Mama Suzi. Same routine trying to find someone who does therapeutic ultrasound for plugged ducts. (Trip to Canada, Ms. Jackie?) So I'll keep at it, me and the hot pads and the advil and the phone. Will report back as events warrant.

Still doing the dance of the dwindling freezer stash. My lactation consultant had great suggestions, the biggest one of which is, pump more. Pump here, pump there, pump everywhere. Pump for five and pump for ten. Take a break and pump again. It's tiresome, dear readers. But I think it's working. The trick is, just because one gets no more at first, doesn't mean it isn't helping. The ladies ramp it up in response to demand, but it can take a few days, as anyone who has spent hours trapped under a squirmy little growth spurting nursling can attest. So five minutes before running out the door is worthwhile even if it yields just a teaspoon. And I have noticed that when I have several lots of puming days in a row, I do start to get more yield with each session.

The problem is, every time I make progress, something mucks it up. Plugged ducts reduce output (temporarily). Plus we've all been sick - we picked up a nasty cold and an intestinal bug while visiting a preschool a couple weeks ago. Seemed like a great preschool so we're choosing to chalk it up to "all preschools are petri dishes," rather than that this one is particularly germy. But we should look at a couple more, probably. And I digress. Again. Really, me. No, it happens, don't be so surprised.

So while it's sort of tiresome to pump so freaking much, I've turned it into a sort of game. How many times can I pump at work? (Four.) (Really.) Can I sneak in a pump while Matt is changing Jackie's diaper and singing the Jackie Bean song (a Matt Dada Composition)? Can I pump one breast while Jackie nurses the other? How about pumping ten minutes, then showering, then pumping again, do I get more that way than pumping for the same amount of time in one sitting?

Meanwhile I've begun to investigate breastmilk sharing. Yep. I have a dear and wonderful friend who has offered to pump some for me after she has filled up her own freezer. I'm also looking at Eats on Feets (like meals on wheels - get it?) and trying to decide if I can get comfortable accepting breastmilk from a stranger. It's funny, I would totally donate if I were the one with the surplus, but when the shoe is on the other foot, it ain't so comfy.

And while all this is going on, Jackie is thriving and gaining weight and filling up diapers and otherwise acting like a baby who is getting plenty to eat. It was like this with Robert, and somehow we made it work. So I'm trying to live in the day rather than in the worrisome maybe future, trust that I will make it all work somehow, and just enjoy this sweet, wonderful time with my beautiful, happy baby girl.

I hope you are all so blessed as well!

Much love,
Suzi

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Karmic Bitchslap?

So, genius with the hotpads aside, I am once again having trouble keeping up with Ms. Jackie's milk needs during the work day. I got up at 2 am Saturday and Sunday to pump, I get up at 5 am almost every work day, I pump three times at work, and I rush home to nurse her as soon as I can. And yet the freezer stash dwindles.

There are lots of tricks left to try. More nursey lunch breaks. More taking Wednesday off, as work permits. I'm already encouraging her to nurse more at night, putting her to the breast at the slightest squirm. And we will start the rice cereal this week. But I keep hearing my head (and my fellow mama coworkers) telling me, what's one can of formula?

What indeed. In my head, it's Chinese rocket fuel and deadly bacteria. But as millions as American babies annually attest, those are the exceptions, not the rules. Like it or not, lots of babies grow up on formula, and very, very few of them are poisoned. But won't it further damage my supply? Maybe. But if she only gets it when I'm not home and there's nothing else in the house, then that wasn't an opportunity to nurse, that was just an opportunity for Matt to get howled at by a hungry baby.

I can't help but feel that this is God's way of letting me know how I may have made a lot of mamas feel with my sanctimonious anti-formula rants. And while I maintain many of my material points, that formula companies employ unethical, woman-undermining marketing tactics, that our society needs to be more breastfeeding supportive, and that people in general need to get over boobs, I see now that sometimes it really is necessary. Whether it will be for us I don't know yet. I'm still hoping to avoid it.

But in the mean time, Mamas, I am well and truly sorry. Karmic bitchslap received, and deserved. I am totally wrought over this impending possible decision point, and I feel awful.

I love all of you and your beautiful babies very much.
Suzi

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Supply Break Through?

AHA! No, not the band. I have struck upon pure inspiration! I have been pumping for most of an HOUR this morning (I'm crazy, it's true) in the midst of my ongoing battle to keep up with Ms. Jackie's developmental-leap-inspired appetite increase, and trying to massage a second letdown out of the girls. I remembered what my acupuncturist said - that things that bring bloodflow to the chest will help with production. So I nuked my "booby tubes" (just specially shaped hot pads) and wrapped them (awkwardly) around the ladies outside my modified jog bra hands free pumping device. VOILA! Another let down. I'm so excited to see if this works consistently. Maybe I could pump less crazy lengths of time at 5 am! But I'm still totally drinking that fancy root beer.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Oof.

Hello Dear Readers!

Let's see when we left off, I had just started back to work, yes? WHOOOSH! A month has snuck past me with no blog entry and very little in the way of any non-work, non-kid related anything. I figured my two weeks of part time schedule in the holiday season when no one was paying attention anyway would ease me right back into the whole breadwinning scene without a hitch. It was helpful to be sure, but the return to full time is still jarring, and I was reminded by my hypnotherapist (more on that later) that no, it'll take probably three months to feel well transitioned into the whole work thing. Rather than feeling discouraged, I found this reassuring - I don't have to feel like I should be handling it better yet.

Not that I'm handling it *so* poorly. Just more anxious, more prone to random bouts of cranky (sorry Honey!), and less smooth and self assured than I had in mind. Ah well. This too shall pass. And then something else will come up I'm sure, chuckle.

Meanwhile, pumping four times on work days is as much fun as I remembered, which would be not very. In order to keep up with Jackie and not have Matt digging into the freezer stash, I have to get up before her in the morning and pump for half an hour. Lots of mamas get larger quantities faster than I do, research has shown. (And by research I mean I've talked to a few moms about it.) But that's how long it takes me to get as much as is going to happen at that time. It's worth the time because if Jackie has slept through the night, which she does sometimes, I can get 5-6 ounces at these morning sessions when the girls are super full. Also, it provides a rare opportunity to sit quietly by myself in the living room at my computer accomplishing something. Not that I wouldn't rather sleep for another hour, but it's peaceful, and helpful, and makes up a non-trivial amount for the hassle of getting up an hour before the baby says I have to.

Then in whatever order baby dictates, I nurse, eat, swallow the absurd quantity of supplements I have to take, shower, dress, pack lunch if I haven't the night before, maybe nurse again, and go to work. So far I haven't managed to get there at eight, which would be my preference, but I have made several eight-thirty meetings and calls without major incident. I have one on Friday with an investment team in London, so say "smooth morning" prayers for me.

I pump three times during the work day, unless I get lucky and have the family visit me at lunch time and nurse then. Usually it's approximately 10:30, 1:30, and 4:30. Each time I have the pump running for maybe 20-25 minutes, although I've been known to get distracted on my computer or get greedy about trying to get more milk and let it go for 30. (I don't think that last 5 minutes of 30 gets me anything but I am collecting data on this point and will let you know.) With my big stock of pump parts, cleanup is a breeze, so I can do this routine in 40-45 minutes, round trip. Which makes me wonder about these mamas who get a strict half hour break as required by law and no longer. Hopefully none of them are slow pumpees like me, but I bet some of them are. Presumably the answer to that is to spend one's whole lunch hour strapped to the pump? But if it's a union, hourly gig, that might be a half hour too? Anyone in such a position care to comment?

And all of this might produce less than Jackie has consumed during my work day, which means I get to get out of bed early on at least one weekend day to replenish the stash. But at least on those days I can sneak back into bed afterwards. If Robert doesn't wake up in the mean time. I maintain that it's worth it and I'm happier this way than I would be supplementing with formula. But I give props to any mamas out there who are in a similar situation and thoroughly sick of their breastpumps. One mama at work is almost done pumping for her third kiddo and says she's going to run her pump over with her car when she's done. (It's a Medela, so not really re-usable with another mom, or would have suggested donating it and just drop-kicking the personal accessory parts.)

A coworker knocked on my (locked) door the other day while I was pumping, not noticing my little sign, and then walked next door into my neighbor's empty office and called to ask me a question. I reacted a little "Dude, don't bust down my door, can't you read the sign?" and he was a little startled. I bet the whole incident has fallen out of his head since, but I wonder if perhaps I was a touch testier than necessary. So even us brazen lactivists get startled more easily when pumping, it seems. Less so than when the baby visits - she's cuter than Sukie the Hygeia EnJoy.

Lastly an update on the plugged ducts. They went on, almost entirely in the right breast, for a week or two. I used hot pads, baths, showers, ibuprofen, and am on lots of lecithin, in addition, of course, to just frequent nursing and pumping. They always resolved without turning into a mastitis, knock wood, but I noticed a reduced output from that side, as did Jackie, judging by her frustration with that breast, which is still going on over a week after the last noticeable plug resolved. I freaked out and called my lactation consultant, "Have I shut down my right breast???" She assured me that sometimes after any noticeable plugs are resolved, there is still a bit of coagulated milk in there causing a slowdown, and possibly some swelling. I should give that side extra attention and drain the breasts more frequently if I can, and see if it doesn't clear up soon. Phew!

Also tried a larger flange size on the pump. Was more comfortable but got less output, which means they are too big. Which, frankly, is a good thing, because it means all those extra parts I bought so I wouldn't have to wash at work are not wasted. I tried spreading the coconut oil further up the breast with the smaller flange size and that is helping with the comfort issue.

Lot of data this week! Hope some of it is useful or of interest to you. Happy boobjuicing all!

Much love,
Suzi